Courses in music and art should be compulsory for students in high school. Do you agree or disagree with the idea?
The importance of music and art to be compulsory in high school which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
others reject this
notion. The substantial influence of this
trend has sparked controversy over the
potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, no subject should be mandatory and Change the word
its
this
notion appears to be more rational.
Analyzing the statement and explaining further
, the first and foremost reason behind this
is that interest is the key factor which encourages research, discovery and innovation. Another striking benefit in this
regard is that with interest, the success and the performance of the student become better. Categorically , it cannot be ignored that the main reason behind this
is, interest. It makes a student responsible and creative.
Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that, nowadays, every hobby is a complete profession. Moving further
, it is pertinent to mention that another purpose of education is to settle in life and earn for a better future. Moreover
, music and art are the two subjects related to the natural talent of a student which is not common.
To recapitulate, according to
the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach the conclusion that the drawbacks of making music and art compulsory subjects are indeed too dire to ignore.Submitted by jagdeepsingh3699 on
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task achievement
Your essay introduction briefly introduces the topic and presents a clear opinion, which meets the basic requirements for IELTS task response. However, it lacks a thesis statement that outlines the main ideas you will discuss throughout the essay. You should improve the task response by providing a clear thesis statement and ensuring that your opinion is addressed more consistently throughout the essay.
task achievement
While your essay presents a clear argument opposing the mandatory nature of music and art classes in high schools, the reasoning could be more thoroughly developed with relevant, specific examples. Your essay would benefit from including concrete examples that demonstrate why subjects should not be mandatory based on interest, innovation, and professional potential. By providing such examples, you will strengthen the task achievement by illustrating your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay displays an adequate structure with introductory and concluding paragraphs, but the logical flow could be improved. The essay jumps from point to point without fully explaining or connecting them. Use more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to improve coherence. Ensure that there is a logical sequence that readers can easily follow from one paragraph to the next. This will help in scoring higher in the coherence and cohesion criteria.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.