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Band 2

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #laptop #school
In the modern era, the development of technology is
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 day by day. Today, most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
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 prefer
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
 classes. I disagree with that all students have their own computers,
while
Correct word choice
when
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 they
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 secondary level of education in schools. First of all, students have their own computer
sytems
Correct your spelling
systems
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 must be a chance to misuse
because
Correct pronoun usage
them because
show examples
 they spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time in online videos. Today there are lots of online materials available to catch the
concentation
Correct your spelling
concentration
 level.
In addition
, it will affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future studies.
There fore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
,
videos
Fix the agreement mistake
video
show examples
 games like
pubgi
Change the capitalization
Pubgi
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,
bluewhale
Correct word choice
and bluewhale
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. It will
destory
Correct your spelling
destroy
 the life of the
stuent
Correct your spelling
student
.
Second,
if
Correct article usage
the uses
show examples
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
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 of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 in schools
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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makes
peopkes
Correct your spelling
peoples
people
 like
a robots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a robot
robots
show examples
. They have no
calibure
Correct your spelling
calibre
 and
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 intelligence level
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 below and they
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
more lazy
Replace the words
lazier
show examples
.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 nowadays schools provide
videos
Change the noun form
video
show examples
 classes, that will help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students become lazy.
To conclude
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, face to
face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
show examples
 teaching method is
good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 than
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
Submitted by mariyamathew08 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs to have a clearer structure with distinct introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure each paragraph starts with a topic sentence and follows a logical progression.
coherence cohesion
You should work on developing your main ideas more fully. Support each point with clear, relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
The response partially addresses the prompt, but it fails to fully develop a cogent argument. Expand on your ideas and directly address the question of whether you agree or disagree with the statement, providing more comprehensive reasoning.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly, with better use of language to ensure that your argument is comprehensible and engaging.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your points. These examples are essential to strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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