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Band 3.5

The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cultures #work #organization
In recent years, it is commonly believed that the beneficial way to understand
another
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
other cultures is to
work
 for a multinational organization. Personally, I agree with
this
 opinion for a variety of reasons.
To begin
 with,
multinational
Add an article
the multinational
a multinational
show examples
 organization
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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inherently
operate
Correct subject-verb agreement
operates
show examples
 on a global scale from different cultural backgrounds ,which makes people from different
ethnics
Replace the word
ethnicities
show examples
 or cultures can
work
 effectively in the same developed environment.
For instance
, a software development team in a multinational tech company with members from India, the United States, and Japan collaborate and share the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Moreover
, multinational corporations offer diversity and inclusion in their organizational culture.
In addition
, It
makes
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 a chance that many
ethnics
Replace the word
ethnicities
show examples
 can promote
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a positive outcome
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
.
For example
, African, Asian, Indian and lots of
differently
Change the word
different
show examples
 cultural people have attractive
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and abilities
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
 allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
work
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced companies and study abroad.
Finally
, the experience gained through multinational
work
 is not limited to the workplace alone. Many employees in
such
 organizations find themselves relocated,
also
 they
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 closely with international teams.
Such
 as a football teams with a variety of
cultural
Replace the word
cultures
show examples
 people offer a daily life of different norms, traditions, and lifestyles for each player. In conclusion, multinational organizations can continue to link capably for many
ethnics
Replace the word
ethnicities
show examples
 and cultures in one clear way. In my opinion, there are many opportunities to study and improve significantly
this
 topic.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task achievement
You need to ensure that the essay remains focused on the question posed, fully addressing the issue of working for a multinational organization as a way to understand other cultures. Expand your main points to demonstrate a clearer linkage with the question topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving logical structure by organizing your essay into clear and distinct paragraphs with topic sentences. Make sure each paragraph deals with one main idea that supports your argument and that this idea is developed coherently throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs together, ensuring that your essay flows smoothly and that the reader can easily follow your line of reasoning. Avoid unnecessary repetition and ensure consistency in the use of terminology.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Examples should be directly relevant, detailed, and enhance the reader's understanding of your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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