IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days huge number of individuals are spending most of their
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using a
phone
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will provide some reasons for
this
Linking Words
 development and state my own position
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
. There are
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of causes explaining smartphone addiction.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the improvements and advancements
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the technologies
show examples
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 field over the
last
Linking Words
 century made free
time
Use synonyms
’s increase possible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 humanity. After the reduction of working hours, people started to have more spare
time
Use synonyms
 since they became not as busy and overwhelmed as they were.
This
Linking Words
 is one of the key factors that made
phone
Use synonyms
 addiction more common.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the impact of
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
modern society has been raised in the
last
Linking Words
 two centuries. Nowadays, everyone should have a
phone
Use synonyms
 and be able to use it to study,work and communicate. All life vitally processes switched to online form and
therefore
Linking Words
 the usage of phones has significantly
grew
Change the verb form
grown
show examples
. From the point of my personal view, I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 development is harmful to individuals and
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 society as well.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 reason why I consider
this
Linking Words
 trend
has
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 negative consequences is that it is scientifically proven that
phone
Use synonyms
 usage can lead to a list of diseases.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent research conducted by WHO ( World Health Organization ) has revealed that using a smartphone more than 2 hours per day causes glaucoma, weight gain and even brain cancer.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I think that people can spend their
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other beneficial activities
such
Linking Words
 as learning new skills rather
wasting
Correct word choice
than wasting
show examples
 their invaluable
time
Use synonyms
 on phones.
Average
Correct article usage
The average
show examples
 annual
time
Use synonyms
 spent on a
phone
Use synonyms
estimated
Add a missing verb
is estimated
show examples
2177,83
Change preposition
at 2177,83
show examples
 hours,
instead
Linking Words
 of searching
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 web during
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 individuals could learn a new language
for example
Linking Words
. In conclusion, there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
lot of reasons explaining
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 usage of
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 among humans and I believe that
this
Linking Words
 does not have any benefits for humanity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear structure with an introduction, a logical sequence of ideas in the body paragraphs, and a conclusive ending. Maintain a logical progression of ideas throughout.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with relevant examples or evidence. The examples provided should clearly relate to the points made and enhance the argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. The response should cover all aspects of the prompt with sufficient detail and explanation.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to convey your message more effectively. Ensure the ideas presented are comprehensive and pertain directly to the question asked.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of vocabulary and accurate grammar structures to express precise ideas and concepts. Errors can distract from the overall message and reduce the quality of the essay.
task achievement
Strive to provide specific examples that back up your points. Examples drawn from reputable sources or real-world scenarios will give your essay a stronger foundation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: