IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information; therefore, there is no need for printed books, magazines, and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information; therefore, there is no need for printed books, magazines, and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #devices #access #information #books #magazines #newspapers
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Nowadays, data exchange can be done within a fraction of
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
 anytime from anywhere. The advancements in technology are the reason behind
this
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. It has become a basic commodity for many
people
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 to
access
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information
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 regarding anything from their electronic devices and
hence
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, there will be no use of
newspapers
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 and paperbacks in the coming future.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement and discusses the reasons.
To begin
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 with, it is not a secret that social media has become the new
information
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 exchange platform in
this
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 generation.
People
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 from various ends of the world now can share data no matter what kind of info it is.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can
access
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this
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information
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 instantly from the comfort of their homes using laptops, mobile phones and tabs.
For instance
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, India is a developing country with many rural areas.
However
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, during the lockdown, many
people
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 suffered from boredom since
people
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 were not allowed to go out and the primary source of
information
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has been
Wrong verb form
was
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 stopped.
Therefore
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, they started browsing on internet where
news
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 goes viral, and
this
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 helped everyone to know about the latest
news
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 across the world very fast. Even though the lockdown was lifted,
people
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 got used to social media which gives instant
news
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 and now it is the go-to place to
access
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 any new
information
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.
This
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also
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 encouraged
people
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 from villages to
access
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news
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 from the internet which in return reduced the usage of traditional ways of accessing
news
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overall
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, all the paperbacks are now available in e-book format and are easily accessible on
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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. Students can gather the data
that is
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 required for their courses and studies from
this
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 mass networking.
To conclude
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, though conventional
newspapers
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 give a lot of
information
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, they are not instant.
However
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,
people
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 have become habituated to getting the latest
news
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 instantly and prefer to use social media on their devices over
newspapers
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 and books. Henceforth, there wouldn’t be a sight of these
newspapers
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 anywhere.
Submitted by tejanavyapc2000 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas and the paragraphing needs to be improved to enhance readability. Logical sequencing is not evident and connectivity between ideas is weak. Aim to structure the essay with clear topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences that follow logically.
task achievement
The task is somewhat addressed but the response could have clearly stated the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement. Arguments for the stated viewpoint are present, albeit with limited expansion or exploration of the implications. Try to fully answer all parts of the task, providing a more thorough explanation of your ideas, and discuss alternate viewpoints for a balanced argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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