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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows unemployment rate levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008

The graph below shows unemployment rate levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008
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The diagram demonstrates the joblessness volume in Ireland and how many individuals left the country from 1988 to 2008
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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although
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 the rate of Irish people being unemployed saw a huge decline in 10
years
Use synonyms
 ,the number of people migrating decreased slightly. Focusing on the proportion of joblessness in Ireland, it is noticeable that
although
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 it has been exacerbated significantly, it had several changing patterns through these ten
years
Use synonyms
. More specifically, the rate had 3 changing trend points in 1990, 1992 and 2000.
Firstly
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,
this
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 level witnessed a 4% decrease in the first two
years
Use synonyms
, reaching a proportion of 13%.
Secondly
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, it started rising up to 15% from 1990 to 1992.
Lastly
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, it fell to approximately 5% in the year 2000, after which it started rising again and reached 6% in the
last
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 year. Moving on to the number of migrants, its significant downfall is noticeable in the first 4
years
Use synonyms
 to just beyond 3000.
Moreover
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, for the next 12
years
Use synonyms
, it plateaued between 4000 and 3000 and
then
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 increased to a number of 50000

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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