IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many small local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area.How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved?

#shops #supermarkets #area #effect #communities #situation
Small local shops are shutting down
as a consequence
 of huge competition from large supermarkets in the locality.
This
 will allow supermarkets to create a monopoly and raise
prices
.
This
 situation can be dealt with by allocating
subsidies
 to small stores.
Firstly
, by creating a monopoly large stores can exploit their customers, meaning local communities. Supermarkets can raise the
prices
 of their commodities,
such
 as dairy products.
As a
result
, local communities would have to spend more of their income on products required on a daily basis.
Therefore
, Expenditure on leisure activities will go down and local communities may not prosper.
For example
, Hamid Super Store located in Hyderabad sky-rocketed their
good's
Change noun form
good
show examples
prices
as a
result
 of local stores closing down, which led lots of
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
show examples
 to pause other leisure activities.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 providing
subsidies
 to local shop owners would mean that
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
 would be able to lower the
prices
 of the products.
Therefore
, Locals would be able to buy at lower
prices
.
Moreover
, a shop owner who was allocated
subsidy
Correct article usage
a subsidy
show examples
 by the government would
also
 earn profit.
As a
result
, both the consumer and service provider will be beneficiaries.
For example
, the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
Government of Pakistan granted many shopowners with huge
subsidies
, and
as a
result
, many poor individuals benefited In conclusion,
Change the verb form
destroying
show examples
to destroy
Wrong verb form
destroying
show examples
 monopoly, and
Wrong verb form
assisting
show examples
assist
Wrong verb form
assisting
show examples
 local shopper and shopkeeper
subsidies
 could create a huge difference.
Thus
, helping all the stakeholders of the economy.
Submitted by irazalalji on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that present your point of view, arguments, and examples in a well-organized manner. Your essay should progress logically from one idea to the next, without causing confusion to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay responds to the task, but you should aim to develop your ideas more fully and provide a range of cohesive devices to structure your writing more effectively. For a higher score, vary your sentence structures, and make sure each paragraph presents a single clear idea with relevant supporting details.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Elaborate on your ideas with more specific details and examples. Make sure you explain how each point directly impacts the local communities and suggest a broader range of improvements.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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