IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people have not taken individual action? What could be done to encourage them to take action?

#scientists #environment #people #energy #lives #action
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In
this
 modern era,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of fossil fuels or gasses should be reduced in
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life as per the researchers but half of the population is not aware of the negative effects of using these
engery
Correct your spelling
energy
sources
 and there are various reasons that no individual steps are taken to reduce
this
.
Thus
, there are various remedies available to solve
this
 problem, which will be mentioned in the upcoming paragraphs. There are various reasons that society is still dependent on these old
energy
sources
 and the prominent one is that most of the
people
 in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 are unaware of the other
sources
such
 as the use of electrical heaters needs to
eliminated
Add a missing verb
be eliminated
show examples
 as they generate a lot of detrimental gasses that
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 health badly,
instead
 solar
pannels
Correct your spelling
panels
show examples
 can be the best source of heat generation in the houses.
Furthermore
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations are hit by inflation nowadays because of which it is extremely hard for the commoners to shift to electric cars from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fuel cars as cars that run on power like Tesla are really expensive and are totally out of the reach of common
people
.
While
,
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apply
show examples
 the vehicles
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 run on
diseal
Correct your spelling
diesel
 and patrol are cheaper
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they are
biggest
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the biggest
show examples
 danger to the surrounding.
Hence
, it is apparent why many
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 yet not moved from the use of
energy
sources
. Steps to deal with
this
mence
Correct your spelling
menace
 are many but the most significant one is that society needs to gain the
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 regarding the harmful effects of
energy
 fuels.
Moreover
, the executives can play
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role here by conducting some
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 campaigns
montly
Correct your spelling
monthly
.
Besides
this
, either the government can provide
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 to common
people
 at
afforedable
Correct your spelling
affordable
 interest rates or rulers can help
people
 by increasing their incomes even just
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
$1 after every hour could prove to be
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 help.
According to
 the arguments
afforementioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
 above , one can reach to logical conclusion that the problem of reduction
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of
energy
 resources can be successfully addressed, provided that above
stated
Correct your spelling
above-stated
show examples
 measures are taken.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks clear and coherent structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. There is some attempt at an introduction and conclusion, but the main points are not clearly developed or supported with specific examples or evidence.
Task Achievement
The response partially addresses the task, but the explanations and arguments are not fully extended or well supported. The answer lacks depth and does not fully explain why people have not changed their energy usage habits nor does it robustly explore potential solutions. There should be clear, comprehensive ideas supported with relevant, specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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