hese days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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There
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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a noticeable increase in the number of people working from home in recent times, largely
due to
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the widespread ownership of computers and mobile phones.
While
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this
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trend has the potential to improve the
work
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-life balance for many individuals, it could
also
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lead to a rise in global mental
health
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crises. Despite the potential disadvantages, I am of the opinion that the benefits of working from home outweigh the drawbacks. For decades, workers have grappled with balancing their jobs and personal lives
due to
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the high time demands of various professions. The extensive working hours often result in reduced energy and minimal time for personal interests, impacting the
health
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and well-being of individuals. Working from one's personal space not only creates flexibility in personal
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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but
also
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enhances productivity at
work
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.
However
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, the impact of remote
work
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on mental
health
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cannot be ignored. There could be a surge in global mental
health
Use synonyms
issues
such
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as depression, anxiety, and alcoholism in the future
due to
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fewer social interactions and human contact. The result of
this
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could be a decrease in
work
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output, potentially endangering the global economy. The
last
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few decades have witnessed a paradigm shift in the way we
work
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, including the option to
work
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from our computers and mobile phones in the comfort of our homes.
While
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there is a significant impact on family and personal lives, one cannot simply ignore the potential negative effects on the mental
health
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of certain individuals. It is crucial to strike a balance between the advantages and disadvantages of working from home to ensure a sustainable and healthy
work
Use synonyms
environment.
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Coherence and Cohesion
You should ensure you have a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should flow coherently into the next, with a clear progression of ideas. Transition words and phrases can help to achieve this. Your essay shows some elements of structure, but this can be improved for greater clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. The introduction should clearly state the main points that you will discuss in your essay, and the conclusion should succinctly summarise these points and reaffirm your stance on the topic. Aim to make a stronger impression in these critical sections of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
When supporting your main points, use specific examples that directly relate to the topic. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject. Your essay provides general statements but lacks detailed illustrations that could enhance your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have responded to the task partially; however, a more complete response is required. Your opinion is stated but you need to fully develop all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. This includes discussing the advantages and disadvantages equally if asked to evaluate both, with a clear opinion expressed.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are fairly clear and comprehensive, but to achieve a higher score, aim to fully develop and elaborate on these ideas with more depth. Providing a detailed exploration of both sides of the argument will result in a more comprehensive discussion of the topic.
Task Achievement
You should make sure to use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Doing so helps to substantiate your claims and shows that you can apply your thoughts practically. Including such examples makes your essay more convincing and complete, which is particularly important in the context of IELTS Task 2 essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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