Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports while others think people should be freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A list of
people
think that critical play should be provided by government restriction
while
others should be thinking of any playing
activities
without limitation. In
this
essay, I will examine both views and explain why government-restricted sports should have freedom in any play or exercise. Those who support authority restriction by
game
have two main arguments. First of all, some games involve more
people
because there are different types of public playing by gambling. If,
for instance
, there were a lot of
people
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
any income and suffering from the hole of a family member. Another argument is that One family member affected by
this
gamble is unstable and always thinks negatively. So,
this
play should be authorities restricted, or ban is
this
gambling
activity
. Others,
however
, feel that sports are the main entertainment. They argue it is all of
people
enjoying playing by
game
. When playing games,
people
's minds refresh;
for instance
, every person maintains one-half hour of playing
activity
freedom because play maintains our body through physical
activity
. If
people
are involved in any other
game
, there is a lot of experience, so if
people
played a
game
before, there is a lot of training through freely playing
activities
. In my view, I see the benefits of playing
activities
as an important factor in our next generation. It is better to view because there are if any, games lid by in my nation.
For example
, it would be provided by the trainee and develop in own skill. For free
activity
, the case must be improved in their
game
. In conclusion, it is only fair that the next generation affected by gambling sports is damaged or banned by the government. In other cases, it would be without restriction if any
game
, there are free
activities
in skill.
Submitted by nikhilnath1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay lacks clarity and precision, often veering off-topic or being difficult to follow due to the incorrect use of vocabulary and language structures. To improve, ensure that the ideas presented are relevant to the topic and that there's a clear position maintained throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have a single, clear idea supported by appropriate examples or explanations. Moreover, maintaining a formal tone, and consistent use of vocabulary and grammatical structures appropriate for formal writing will improve the task achievement score.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay struggles considerably with logical structuring of the argument and cohesion. Paragraphs should follow a clear logical order, typically including an introduction, body paragraphs each discussing a single main idea, and a conclusion. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs must be smoother to guide the reader through your argument. Using cohesive devices appropriately, like conjunctions, synonyms, and referencing words, is crucial to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: