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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
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The line charts provide information about the
percentage
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 of the total people who live in four different countries in
Asian
Correct your spelling
Asia
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 between 1970 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, most the countries
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased throughout
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the period. If we look in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, the
percentage
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people
Change preposition
of people
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 in Indonesia and Thailand were 15 and 20 per
cent
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 respectively in 1970.
Then
Linking Words
, both graphs illustrated
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 to the peak
percentage
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 by the end of the year approximately 50 and 40 per
cent
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. Population in Malaysia,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
started at 30 per
cent
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 in 1970. The trend compared to the
percentage
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 in two other countries in
Asian
Correct your spelling
Asia
show examples
 which were Indonesia and Thailand were almost in the same
percentage
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along
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the year. In the future, the projection of population in Malaysia will rise to the highest amount at 80 per
cent
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the growth
percentage
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 of people in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 started in the highest
percentage
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 in 1970. Since 1980, the
percentage
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 significantly increased almost
double
Replace the word
doubling
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 in the next 10 years.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in the next 20
years
Add a comma
years,
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 the
percentage
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 declined
more
Change preposition
by more
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 or less 40 per
cent
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. After that, the
percentage
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 will increase to the peak amount by the end of
Correct article usage
the years
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years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
Submitted by haloalwan on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 10 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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