people believe that not all school children have the natural ability to learn a new language. this means it is not right to force all school children to study a foreign language. do you agree or disagree?

it is our argued that
,
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apply
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some people think that not all school
children
are naturally gifted with
language
equation, so it is not useful to require foreign
language
study for all students. Though
,
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apply
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learning a foreign
language
is difficult for
slow
Correct word choice
young
show examples
children
, I still believe that schools should teach at least one Foreign
language
. So I can say that I totally disagree with the statement.First I will discuss the educational
benefits
that a foreign
language
can bring to
a
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apply
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children
and,
secondly
,about performance improvement
benefits
. There are a range of
benefits
of teaching foreign
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
to school students.
To begin
with, nowadays, there is a lot of competition in
education
Add an article
the education
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sector and abroad
University
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Universities
show examples
prefer
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
have
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
communication
skill
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skills
show examples
. The more students
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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in new
language
the more
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
will be in Abroad study for higher education. In other countries where
education
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the education
show examples
system is most good,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
must know the English
language
, which is a foreign
language
, because they don't teach
a
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apply
show examples
children
with
children
's
on
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apply
show examples
language
.It is not only difficult but
also
costly. A foreign
language
is not just about improving the educational
benefits
; it
also
has many performance improvement
benefits
. a person getting a good remote job need to
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
skill with other
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countries'
country's
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countries
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countries'
show examples
customers
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to
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for
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to
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Change the verb form
fulfilling
show examples
fulfill
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fulfil
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their requirement. In
audition
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addition
show examples
to
this
, a Survey conducted by
daily star
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Daily Star
show examples
, people who know the foreign
language
such
as English
language
, they get good
job
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jobs
show examples
with good
salary
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salaries
show examples
. In conclusion, a foreign
language
should
take
Verb problem
be
show examples
mandatory in every
schools
Change to a singular noun
school
show examples
for every child
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
they have not the natural ability to learn in new
language
.
Submitted by sadikasharmin888 on

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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay does not exhibit a clear, logical progression of ideas. Transitioning between points is abrupt, and connections between ideas can be improved. Try to use cohesive devices to better link your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is somewhat present, but it does not clearly outline the main points that will be discussed. Make sure your introduction sets the stage for your argument and conclusion, clearly stating your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You've included some supporting ideas, but the examples and explanations are not always fully developed. For coherence and cohesion, aim to fully support your points with clear examples and explanations that demonstrate a direct relation to the topic.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, while a response is present, it only partially engages with the task. Ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in a balanced manner, showing a complete understanding of the question and arguments for and against.
task achievement
Your essay presents some ideas, but they need to be expressed more comprehensively and clearly. Focus on clarifying and expanding upon your main points to fully convey your reasoning and make your stance evident.
task achievement
Specific examples are crucial to illustrate and strengthen your arguments. The examples given need to be more directly related to the topic and discussed in greater depth to substantiate your claims.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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