IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that It Is good to share as much Information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #information #research #business #world
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It is frequently argued that
information
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 should be shared in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientific
research
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 or articles for
Use synonyms
business
Add an article
the business
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 and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 world
including
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from
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 top to bottom
whereas
Linking Words
 the other group of
people
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 believe only precise
information
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 should be included. In my opinion,
research
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 should be covered thoroughly and meticulously. On the one hand, nowadays
people
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 wholly depends on
goggle
Correct your spelling
google
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 or
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 for different kinds of
information
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 for study or
business
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 purposes
due to
Linking Words
 some particular reasons.
Firstly
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, in
true
Add an article
a true
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sense
Add a comma
sense,
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 all
information
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 held in
goggle
Correct your spelling
google
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 is not authentic. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
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people
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 try to find out the relevant
research
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 which have
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
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information
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. That's why
maximum
Change the article
a maximum
the maximum
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 number of
people
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 prefer much data
as well as
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information
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 in scientific
research
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,
business
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 and the academic world.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, students are going through a fierce competition where gathering knowledge is
inevitable
Add an article
an inevitable
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 part of their life. So to replenish the
thirsty
Replace the word
thirst
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of
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for
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 acquiring knowledge,
this
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 is really praiseworthy to share detailed
particular
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particulars
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 in empirical
research
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 or articles.
On the other hand
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, there is no doubt that
people
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 become impatient and
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 for
fastest
Correct article usage
the fastest
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 results. In
these context
Change the determiner
this context
these contexts
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, only precise data that are indispensable for the topics should be shared.
For example
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, some
people
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 feel they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not enough time to read elaborately
where
Correct word choice
when
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 they search for short-cut
information
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.
In addition
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, to prepare
power point
Correct your spelling
PowerPoint
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presentation
Fix the agreement mistake
presentations
show examples
 and slides sometimes we
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not spare time to read in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 and make it.
People
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 prefer the
information
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 that are most valuable should be shared
in
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from
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 these perspective. In conclusion, though there are robust points to justify the way of sharing
information
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in
Change preposition
on
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 both sides, I firmly believe that data
as well as
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 content should be shared
rigorously
Rephrase
as rigorously
show examples
 as possible in
scholar
Replace the word
scholarly
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 articles, thesis
paper
Fix the agreement mistake
papers
show examples
,
business
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 and the academic world so that all kinds of
people
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 get the opportunities to gather knowledge.
Submitted by rezwanarimi on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly addresses the task and presents a clear position which should be maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your main points need to be more fully developed with clear and relevant examples that directly relate to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with clear and logical paragraphing, each one containing a central idea that ties back to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a variety of complex sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
task achievement
Avoid vague and generalized statements. Your argument would benefit from specific evidence or examples that support your claims.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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