IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that It Is good to share as much Information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #information #research #business #world
It is frequently argued that
information
 should be shared in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientific
research
 or articles for
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 world
including
Change preposition
from
show examples
 top to bottom
whereas
 the other group of
people
 believe only precise
information
 should be included. In my opinion,
research
 should be covered thoroughly and meticulously. On the one hand, nowadays
people
 wholly depends on
goggle
Correct your spelling
google
show examples
 or
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 for different kinds of
information
 for study or
business
 purposes
due to
 some particular reasons.
Firstly
, in
true
Add an article
a true
show examples
sense
Add a comma
sense,
show examples
 all
information
 held in
goggle
Correct your spelling
google
show examples
 is not authentic. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
people
 try to find out the relevant
research
 which have
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
show examples
information
. That's why
maximum
Change the article
a maximum
the maximum
show examples
 number of
people
 prefer much data
as well as
information
 in scientific
research
,
business
 and the academic world.
Furthermore
, students are going through a fierce competition where gathering knowledge is
inevitable
Add an article
an inevitable
show examples
 part of their life. So to replenish the
thirsty
Replace the word
thirst
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 acquiring knowledge,
this
 is really praiseworthy to share detailed
particular
Fix the agreement mistake
particulars
show examples
 in empirical
research
 or articles.
On the other hand
, there is no doubt that
people
 become impatient and
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for
fastest
Correct article usage
the fastest
show examples
 results. In
these context
Change the determiner
this context
these contexts
show examples
, only precise data that are indispensable for the topics should be shared.
For example
, some
people
 feel they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough time to read elaborately
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they search for short-cut
information
.
In addition
, to prepare
power point
Correct your spelling
PowerPoint
show examples
presentation
Fix the agreement mistake
presentations
show examples
 and slides sometimes we
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not spare time to read in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 and make it.
People
 prefer the
information
 that are most valuable should be shared
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 these perspective. In conclusion, though there are robust points to justify the way of sharing
information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both sides, I firmly believe that data
as well as
 content should be shared
rigorously
Rephrase
as rigorously
show examples
 as possible in
scholar
Replace the word
scholarly
show examples
 articles, thesis
paper
Fix the agreement mistake
papers
show examples
,
business
 and the academic world so that all kinds of
people
 get the opportunities to gather knowledge.
Submitted by rezwanarimi on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly addresses the task and presents a clear position which should be maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your main points need to be more fully developed with clear and relevant examples that directly relate to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with clear and logical paragraphing, each one containing a central idea that ties back to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a variety of complex sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
task achievement
Avoid vague and generalized statements. Your argument would benefit from specific evidence or examples that support your claims.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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