IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that the elderly are noticed most
whereas
 the next generations in other regions seem to play a more vital role. Despite
this
 writer contends that youngsters are precious
due to
 enthusiasm and sense of acute,
this
 writer believes that maturity is more experienced. It must be recognized that in light of the proliferation of technology, youth is the most suitable group compared to all ages. The reason is new generation can learn new skills and knowledge quickly and
then
 apply them to complete their tasks efficiently. They do not stop challenging themselves, discovering new things to find the shortest way to solve a problem.
For instance
, most employee tend to recruit young harbours
due to
 the ability to finish their work rapidly with a cheap salary.
As a result
, young people are the abundant employer resources to exploit in some particular fields.
However
, some people argue that the experience of the elderly can fulfil tasks accurately. Some specific jobs require high accuracy where mature can perform their skills.
Besides
 that, the old generation is the main labour force in most developing countries, which means that it must take a period of time to replace them with the youth. They are right to a certain extent, but these skills can
also
 be achieved really quickly in
this
 era
due to
 the development of technology. Another considerable point that should be suggested is that younger counterparts can get in touch with the new technologies easily.
This
 is because they interact with those objects daily.
Consequently
, they will be familiar with every piece of the new era and they will
also
 have more potential than the older.
Therefore
, cutting-edge equipment are impressive point in
this
 period in which the young will be more affordable than the remains.
Thus
, it can be seen that both old and new generations play their distinguished role in normal life in their own ways. The writer emphasized that youth should be considered
due to
 the
further
 value they bring.
Therefore
, the government ought to invest more in them to develop the future of the country.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is logically structured with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more explicit introduction that clearly states the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed. Similarly, the conclusion should summarise the key arguments made throughout the essay.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples and evidence. This helps to strengthen your arguments and makes your essay more compelling.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and specificity in your ideas. Avoid generalisations and make sure each point made is directly relevant to the essay topic.
task achievement
In discussing both views, try to provide an even and balanced analysis before stating your opinion. This ensures a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: