IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
It is argued that social and practical
issues
 may
rise
Correct your spelling
arise
show examples
 when
people
 live in nations where they need to speak foreign languages.
This
 essay completely agrees with
this
 statement because it causes
problems
 at work and mental
problems
.
Fristly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
people
 will have
issues
 when they find a job in a foreign country.
This
 is because they are not used to
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another language that isn't the one that they speak, and
this
 might cause difficulties
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 expressing ideas or asking questions.
Also
, it will be difficult for
people
 to communicate with others, not only when they want to buy something but
also
 at work, where their co-workers do not understand what they are saying.
Also
, not everyone has the patience to try to understand what others are trying to say.
For example
, when
people
 travel to another country and they don't know how to speak
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foreign language,
people
 will directly pass through them, since they do not want to waste their time helping
a
Change the article
an
show examples
extranger
Correct your spelling
stranger
.
Furthermore
,
people
 can have health
issues
,
such
 as depression, stress, feeling isolated and doubt. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 is that they will feel like
extrangers
Correct your spelling
strangers
, like they do not belong
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there, as they have different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and
religion
Fix the agreement mistake
religions
show examples
, and they will get exhausted since it is difficult for them to get used to it.
Then
, the foreigners will start doubting if their idea of moving there was correct or not. Recent research concluded that around 31% of
people
 after moving for work to
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
, went back to their nation in less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 one year
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they started to have mental
problems
 as they couldn't adapt to the situation they were in. In conclusion, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 moving to a nation where
people
 need to speak foreign languages
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a lot of
problems
 like
issues
 at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
as well as
 health
issues
.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your standpoint and includes a thesis statement that outlines the main points.
logical structure
Work on organizing ideas logically, ensuring each paragraph contains a single main idea with supporting sentences that develop it clearly.
supported main points
Elaborate your arguments by including more specific examples and details, which can help to strengthen your main points and make them more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure you answer all parts of the task prompt and maintain a clear position throughout. Work on expressing your ideas more comprehensively, avoiding overly general statements.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific, relevant examples where possible to support your claims and arguments. Avoid vague references and ensure examples are directly related to your main points.
coherence cohesion
Watch for spelling and grammar mistakes that can hinder communication and affect the coherence of the essay. Frequent errors, such as 'extranger' (which should be 'stranger'), can impact readability.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct typographical errors, such as misspelling 'Firstly' as 'Fristly', in order to maintain a high level of correctness.
coherence cohesion
Mind your coherence and use a variety of linking words and structures to connect ideas smoothly. Avoid repetitive structures to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure variety in sentence structure and vocabulary. Using a range of sentence types avoids monotony and can make the argument more compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!