IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People who go live in other countries should follow their customs and traditions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, an increasing number of people who live overseas neglect their cultural background. There is an opinion that it is important to stick to traditions and customs in order to demonstrate respect to the family and ancestors,
while
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 others think differently. I
also
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 disagree with
this
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 statement, and
this
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 essay will explain why.
To begin
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, participating in cultural events
as well as
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 following traditional rituals are unnecessary for immigrants. The main reason is that foreign countries hold their own cultural activities which are vital to acknowledge for understanding local citizens and their lives.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 will help newcomers
to
Verb problem
apply
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gain essential information about another nation
along with
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 getting familiar with specific events.
For example
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, in Australia, there are many traditional events which are connected to sports activities,
such
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 as Australian football. On
this
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 day people have a public holiday and many families get together for dinner,
Correct word choice
and watching
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watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 afterwards.
Additionally
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, it is crucial to focus on other cultural differences,
such
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 as accent, dialect and body language.
Hence
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,
this
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 awareness will lead to the comprehension of native people's habits avoiding any misunderstandings. Take Indian residents
for example
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, expressing themselves in a different way, when they say "yes" and "no".
Consequently
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, knowing details of facial and body gestures is crucial for interacting with the foreigner. In conclusion, learning about a new country and its traditions must be a priority for new visitors who want to live abroad. By familiarizing themselves with the local customs, individuals not only foster a deeper connection with the community but
also
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 enhance their
overall
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 cultural experience.
This
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 cultural awareness contributes to smoother integration and promotes a more enriching and fulfilling stay in the foreign environment.

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task response
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. It appears you have misunderstood the prompt, as the essay discusses immigrants neglecting their own culture instead of adopting the local customs, which reduces the clarity of your position and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear and consistent logical structure. Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions. This will help in guiding the reader through your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific and relevant examples. Ensure that your examples are clearly tied to the point you are trying to make and are fully elaborated to substantiate your argument. This enhances the overall persuasiveness and depth of your essay.
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