IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Topic: We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

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Nowadays, almost of human activities use
technology
Use synonyms
 to ease working, learning, having
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
show examples
, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. Applying
technology
Use synonyms
 is equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, so we can call
this
Linking Words
 issue
Use synonyms
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
. I imagine that someday all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 will be supported by
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
based
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 must
be exist
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
 to be guidance. 
Computer
Use synonyms
-based technologies are technologies that implement
computer
Use synonyms
algorithm
Fix the agreement mistake
algorithms
show examples
 to make human
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
solved easily. We can imagine the period when
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 without
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 or
technology
Use synonyms
, that time,
people
Use synonyms
 did their
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
effectiveless
Correct your spelling
effectiveness
effectively
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to go shopping must
went
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to the shopping outlet directly. So,
people
Use synonyms
 would
spended
Correct your spelling
spend
 their time on the way to the outlet. But now, societies can buy clothes that they want in e-commerce or order by social media. In Indonesia,
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and University
show examples
University
Fix the agreement mistake
Universities
show examples
implent
Correct your spelling
implement
implant
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 to deliver
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge to their students. In
another place
Fix the agreement mistake
other places
show examples
 like
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
 sector or industries, the managers and their staff
held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
Use synonyms
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
called video conferences. Based on
these sample
Change the determiner
this sample
these samples
show examples
, we get the information that
computer
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
implented
Correct your spelling
implemented
implanted
 in several sectors.
However
Linking Words
, the implementation in
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 sector is not implemented well. There are many services based on
manual
Change the word
manually
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
election
Add an article
the election
show examples
 of president and
admistration
Correct your spelling
administration
 in villages. But I think in the future the implementation of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increase and reach all of life aspects.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, using
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much is not good for our health. So, we need some policies to restrict the
using
Wrong verb form
use of
show examples
 these technologies.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
computer
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 is
technology
Use synonyms
 that
implement
Wrong verb form
is implemented
show examples
 in almost
of
Correct determiner usage
all of
show examples
 life aspects. I feel that societies will
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 in
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 aspect. The
technology
Use synonyms
 must
be guide
Change the verb form
be guided
show examples
 by policies to make our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 healthy.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting sentences are relevant and well-developed. Use a range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout the essay. Develop your main ideas fully with extended and well-supported points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • artificial intelligence
  • automation
  • digital resources
  • ubiquitous
  • digital divide
  • virtual realities
  • e-waste
  • screen time
  • medical technology
  • tech-driven economies
  • human relationships
  • efficient resource management
What to do next:
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