IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic: Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many believe it is better to have separate
schools
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 for
boys
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 and
girls
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 as it ensures safety from events like eve-teasing and allows for more focus on studies
whereas
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 other people opine and support
co-education
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 for
boys
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 and
girls
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. I definitely support the latter statement as
co-education
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 will make them confident and prepare them for the future.
This
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 essay will elaborate more on both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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perspectives. On the one hand, separate schooling for male and female counterparts brings a sense of belonging
in
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to
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 them. They feel more connected
due to
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 the same gender resulting in focused minds and better academic results.
Moreover
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, separate
schools
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 for
boys
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 and
girls
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 will reduce incidents of eve-teasing
especially
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, especially
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 in high school.
Thus
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, it is appropriate to have separate educational institutes for
boys
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 and
girls
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.
On the other hand
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, in today’s time, the importance of
co-education
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 cannot be neglected as
co-education
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 prepares an individual for the future because workplaces operate in a mixed-gender environment and it will be easier for youngsters to adjust
in
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to
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 a mixed-gender environment.
Also
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 for holistic personality development, it is highly recommended by experts that people should study in co-educational
schools
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. To illustrate, a recent study in the Times newspaper shows that students studying in co-educational
schools
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 are far more confident than students
of
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in
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 separate
schools
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.
Therefore
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, co-educational
schools
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 are necessary for individual growth. In conclusion, to be prepared for the practical world, it is imperative to educate all genders under one roof as
this
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 eliminates the fear that may arise if they study in separate
schools
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.
Additionally
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, it enhances an individual's personality and makes them future-ready.

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General Advice
Your essay presents a balanced discussion on the topic, addressing both viewpoints well. However, to push your score higher, try to include more specific examples or studies to support your arguments.
Introduction
In your introduction, clarify your position a bit more by directly stating your opinion. This will make it easier for the reader to understand your stance from the beginning.
Conclusion
While your conclusion effectively summarizes your points, try to reiterate the main arguments more explicitly to reinforce your position further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, which helps the reader follow your arguments easily. Both introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing the main ideas effectively.
Task Achievement
The points you presented on both sides of the argument are well-developed and comprehensive, showing a good understanding of the topic.
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