IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is difficult for people to get enough physical exercise in cities. What are the causes and solutions?

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Exercise
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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 to maintain
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 lifestyle.
However
Linking Words
, these days it is hard for
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of urban
people
Use synonyms
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the
cause
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 of it and will provide the
soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
solution
 for the problem.
People
Use synonyms
 that live in cities mostly have a hectic life and
this
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 might be one of the
Use synonyms
cause
Change to a plural noun
causes
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 that lead
people
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 to have no
time
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 for
exercise
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. The stress from
working
Add an article
the working
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 environment has caused them to feel tired and lack of energy to do that activity again in their daily lives.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 their job demand, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
urban
people
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also
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 most of their
time
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 sitting down in front of computers which
further
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lessen
Correct subject-verb agreement
lessens
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 their physical movements.
For example
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, Jobs like programming or data analytics
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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required
Wrong verb form
require
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 a lot of
time
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 in front of the screen and
cause
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 the employees to sit most of their
time
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.
This
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 kind of working environment and their surrounding
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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cause
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 them to have a hard
time
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to get
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getting
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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physical
exercise
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. The
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is to enhance the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
exercise
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facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 in the working environments. Not only
this
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 will help to save
time
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 but
also
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can
Verb problem
apply
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be a
motivations
Correct the article-noun agreement
motivation
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 for those
people
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 to
workout
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
.
For example
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, in Blibli company, there is a mini gym available for all employees to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
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 and
this
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also
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 can
further
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encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 them
for
Change preposition
to
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workout
Correct your spelling
work out
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.
Furthermore
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, employers can
also
Linking Words
 remind their employees
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not
spending
Change the verb form
to spend
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 most of their
time
Use synonyms
 sitting but
also
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need
Verb problem
apply
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to move around after certain periods.
This
Linking Words
 will at least help to increase the physical movements throughout the day.
To Conclude
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, Having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
exercise
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 is crucial to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 a healthy lifestyle but some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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due to
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 their hectic
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 or working conditions might caused them unable to
exercise
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.
However
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,
this
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 can be prevented by providing more accessible
exercise
Use synonyms
 facilities and a reminder of the importance
to move
Change preposition
of moving
show examples
 around.

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Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a logical structure, it's essential to strengthen the progression of ideas with better transitions and clearer topic sentences that guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, yet to attain a higher score, you must ensure that each encompasses a comprehensive summary of your arguments and reflects the prompt's requirements more effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported, but it's pivotal to refine them with more elaboration and detailed examples, which contribute to the overall argument and provide a deeper understanding for the reader.
Task Achievement
You've managed to address the prompt's task with a complete response, but to improve your score, focus on fully developing your ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is thoroughly explored.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear, but for an enhanced score, they must be expanded with a more comprehensive explanation and greater depth, displaying a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Though your essay includes examples, to move towards a higher band score, these examples should be more specific, directly relevant, and detailed, effectively illustrating the claims made in your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban lifestyle
  • Sedentary jobs
  • Physical activity/exercise
  • Motorized transport
  • Cycling
  • High density living
  • Recreational facilities
  • Time constraints
  • Commuting
  • Unhealthy food options
  • Public awareness
  • Health and well-being
  • Active transportation
  • Infrastructure improvements
  • Workplace initiatives
  • Community events
  • Incentives
  • Gym memberships
  • Wellness programs
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