IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

In today’s society, both Western medicine and traditional complementary forms of medicines’ are now widely known and used. The effectiveness of these kinds of treatment is determined by the patient’s mental attitude towards it. To what extent do you agree?

#today’s #society #medicine #forms #medicines’ #effectiveness #kinds #treatment #patient’s #attitude
Nowadays, Biomedicine and customary medicine
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 spread widely. The effect of the use is controlled by the sick person’s mental stability. I strongly agree that the outcomes of medicine totally depend on the
patients
Change to a genitive case
patient's
patients'
show examples
 approach.
Firstly
, the person who is sick has to trust in any form of medication that
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are receiving. When a
patient
Change noun form
patient's
show examples
 mind tells them that the pills they are taking can heal them, it is registered in their brains.
For example
, when medications
such
 as pills are being sold, they have a clear picture of how fast the healing will take place, by so doing
this
 it gives a clear overview of the mechanism of the treatment.
Therefore
 the effectiveness is determined by the
brains
Fix the agreement mistake
brain
show examples
.
Secondly
, the more
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people give
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional medicine the more we humans consider it helpful. When
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of individuals
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
clear feedback towards certain methods of treatment, it gives patients a heads-up.
For instance
, the study of Malawi
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 showed that traditional methods mainly
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 views before proceeding and by doing
this
 it builds confidence and trust. For that reason, it is the victim’s point of view that helps with the recovery. In conclusion,
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's
show examples
 attitude towards any approach of medications
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 an effect towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recovery,
therefore
 l strongly agree.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, and that each paragraph focuses on a single central idea to improve logical structure.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and a conclusion are present, they need to be more elaborately developed to guide the reader smoothly through the discussion. Make sure these paragraphs clearly establish and summarize your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your main points with more comprehensive explanations and develop your ideas fully to address the question more effectively. Avoid overly simplistic statements.
task achievement
Your response only partially addresses the task. Be sure to fully answer all parts of the prompt, including the extent to which you agree and why.
task achievement
To improve clarity, work on organizing your ideas more logically and expand on them to show a deep understanding of the topic. Avoid repetition and focus on creating well-supported arguments.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to strengthen your main points. Make sure the examples are specific and accurately support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!