IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
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It is argued that
although
Linking Words
 there are agricultural advances,
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 number of
individuals
Use synonyms
 still suffering from hunger. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is an increase in population and some
people
Use synonyms
 are unable to afford products, and the most viable solution is to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 not to
waste
Use synonyms
. Every year there are more and more
people
Use synonyms
 in the world. So, more
people
Use synonyms
 need to be fed, and since most of the crops only can be produced in a specific season, the demand exceeds the supply,
then
Linking Words
, there is still a shortage of
food
Use synonyms
 produced. Another reason
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that prices of the products are increasing significantly.
This
Linking Words
 is because because of the economic situation of the nations.
This
Linking Words
 causes that family with
low-income
Correct your spelling
low income
show examples
are
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 unable to afford basic products.
For example
Linking Words
, from 2021 to 2022, prices
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 in Spain increased by approximately 31%, but the annual earnings of the citizens didn't
increased
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
, some sectors' salaries decreased. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, government and different
people
Use synonyms
 should encourage others not to
waste
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because some
individuals
Use synonyms
 do not realize what throwing
food
Use synonyms
 away can cause. So, telling
people
Use synonyms
 about the consequences, how many lives they could
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 by not wasting, and the large number of
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have
food
Use synonyms
 to eat.
this
Linking Words
 can make
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
reduce the excessive purchase of
food
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some European
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 there are campaigns, which tell
people
Use synonyms
 about how many
individuals
Use synonyms
 do not have anything to eat and how to help them,
this
Linking Words
 resulted in a reduction of
food
Use synonyms
waste
Use synonyms
 by 22%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
the increasing
show examples
 amount of
food
Use synonyms
 donation in charities. In conclusion, the reason why there are still a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 suffering from hunger is that there are some
individuals
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not have money to afford
food
Use synonyms
 and
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 increasing
world's
Change noun form
world
show examples
 population, the best solution is to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to not
waste
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs logically follow one another and that ideas are not only presented, but also explained and expanded upon for clearer understanding. Focus on transitions between ideas for smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, restate the prompt to establish your understanding of the question. Make sure that the conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the answer to the question. Both introduction and conclusion need to be clearly defined.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This includes citing specific studies, statistics, or factual information to add weight to your arguments and to make your points more persuasive.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, providing a complete response with a clear position throughout the essay. Expand on your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and fully developed.
task achievement
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to express ideas more precisely and to make your essay more comprehensive, whilst ensuring clarity is maintained.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and relevant examples specific to the question to support your arguments. Examples should be precise and clearly linked to the points being made.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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