Many manufactured food and drinks contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
A lot of consuming
products
are made with a considerable amount of sugar
which can be the reason of
many health problems. We are going to discuss, whether it is appropriate to increase the price of these Change preposition
for
products
in order to people
buy them less.
In this
modern era, individuals pay less attention on
their health. Machine life Change preposition
to
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
people
less active and more relied
on technology, Replace the word
reliant
therefore
, more health problems are shown up
. One of these problems is Change preposition
apply
sugar
related disease called Dyabet. For some people
, it can be inherited and consuming much
Rephrase
too much
sugar
just speeds it up to be shown.
As a matter of fact, for people
who love sweets, there is no ban including
the price. The ban must come from their mind and must be intentional not to consume sugary Change preposition
on
products
. One of the best ways is to inform them about the danger and subsequences
of the illness. Correct your spelling
consequences
This
procedure can be started from
the school and health-related organizations must be responsible Change preposition
at
to educate
Change preposition
for educating
the
society about it.
Nowadays, there are many substitutions for sugary Correct article usage
apply
products
. For example
, you can find a
diet cola, cakes and sweets which are made Correct article usage
apply
by
artificial Change preposition
with
sugar
, healthy breads and
etc. Correct word choice
apply
This
can be the other solution! Food manufacturers must be more creative to make new things which taste nearly the same using the
healthy Correct article usage
apply
sugar
.
In conclusion, price
Correct article usage
a price
increasing
is not the solution. Creativity in new productions for adults and educating younger ones to choose more wisely is the key to Change the form of the verb
increase
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
this
situation.Submitted by s.hemmati.p on
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Task Response
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it. This introduction does not explicitly state if you agree or disagree with the statement about making sugary products more expensive.
Task Response
Develop your main points with relevant examples and a deeper analysis to satisfy the task achievement criteria. The essay lacked specific examples to support the arguments presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. While you showed some coherence, the logical sequencing can be improved with clearer topic sentences and better paragraphing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, which aids in the reader's understanding. The essay could use more cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.