IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to relax is by resting or sleeping. Others say that doing exercise or playing sports is a better way to relax. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #exercise #sports
There is a debate over
resting
Correct word choice
whether resting
show examples
 or sleeping is the best way to relax whether
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
doing exercise or playing
sports
 is better.
Boths
Correct your spelling
Both
 claims will be discussed in
this
 essay, and, in my standpoint, the latter view is more persuasive than the latter.
To begin
 with, there are some
reasons
 why
people
 enjoy resting or sleeping in their free time. For one thing, they can be recharged through resting.
This
 is because they can relieve their stress, relaxing their bodies.
Furthermore
, they can save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental energy since they do not need to deal with unexpected situations. In fact, there are a lot of
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 that meditation and short nap can be helpful for the efficiency of brain work. In spite of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 mentioned above, I am of the opinion that working out is the better way to spend their free time. One of the main
reasons
 for
this
 contention is that
people
 can be sociable, interacting with others through playing
sports
,
such
 as soccer, tennis and volleyball. Normally, they can be intimate, finding their common
grounds
Fix the agreement mistake
ground
show examples
. Actually, many
people
 make friends in the
sports
 club. Another reason commonly put forward is that doing exercise and playing
sports
 improve the physical condition, used most muscle groups. Basically, physical activities facilitate the positive changes of a body,
such
 as enhancement of fitness.
Moreover
, it can make
people
 stay in shape and
also
pre-empt
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 and treat obesity. In a nutshell, considering the above
reasons
,
it is clear that
,
although
 there are a few
reasons
 related to the advantages of resting, working out is a more effective way to relax.
Submitted by moonmond15 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay requires a more clear logical structure, with better use of paragraphs to separate your points. Aim to group related ideas and examples in individual paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence that relates to the overall thesis
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a clear introduction and conclusion in your essay. The introduction should introduce the topic and present a clear thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarize the key points and restate your opinion in a conclusive manner.
coherence cohesion
When supporting your main points, make sure to include detailed and specific examples. This strengthens the arguments you are presenting and shows an ability to analyze and draw on relevant information to support your claims.
task achievement
You should ensure that you are fully addressing the prompt by providing a complete response that covers all aspects of the question. Be direct and stay on topic throughout the essay, making sure each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further to provide a clear and comprehensive analysis of the topic. Expand on your points with more detailed explanations and more elaborated arguments. This demonstrates an ability to critically analyze the topic and present a well-considered opinion.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to back up your points. Try to reference studies, historical facts, or personal anecdotes to provide a solid foundation for your arguments. This adds authenticity and depth to your writing and shows your ability to think critically about the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: