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Band 3.5

Describe a good advertisement that you think is useful

#advertisement
Today, I would like to introduce an eco-friendly advertisement that I have never seen before two years ago. If my memory serves me right, that was a boring day, after I finished my semester exam, I had much free time and I did not know how to kill my boring time. So I decided to browse social media. Suddenly, a unique ad attracted my attention.
this
 is because it was about some environmental protection topic.
This
 video presented a sad story about polar bear lacking their home. I mean, the sea level is rising
due to
 the climate change problem.
therefore
, an increasing number of wild animals, like polar bears, cannot hunt their food since the sea ice is absent. After I read
this
 video, I felt guilty, and I made a big decision to show more eco-friendly
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in daily life,
such
 as taking public transport
instead
 of using private cars. In short, I believe that was invaluable
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it can change the audience's opinion.
Submitted by lyutingting520 on

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task response
For the task response, the essay needs to directly address the topic which requires describing a 'good advertisement'. While you do clarify the advert's impact towards the end, the initial description of the advert should more directly engage with the prompt. A clear thesis statement in the introduction would improve the quality of the essay. Additionally, providing a more in-depth analysis of what constitutes the advertisement's strengths and utility would be more relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins abruptly without a proper introduction to the topic, and the conclusion is very brief. To improve, consider structuring your essay with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. Make sure to use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together, and present information in a more organized and logical sequence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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