Nowadays many teenagers choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In
this
century, there are many jobs that
presented
Add a missing verb
are presented
show examples
as a
freelancer
.
Freelancer
is a
path way
Correct your spelling
pathway
show examples
for
people
that do not want to
work
for a company. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss based on both views. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, a self
employed
Replace the word
employees
show examples
have more time flexibility to do their jobs.
Freelancer
Fix the agreement mistake
Freelancers
show examples
can
work
in many places and
also
getting their
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
paid equally with
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
for a company.
This
opportunity
gived
Correct your spelling
gave
show examples
teenagers
other path
Change the wording
another path
other paths
show examples
to
work
other than
work
for
corporation
Add an article
a corporation
the corporation
show examples
. The development of
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
world
is
Change the verb form
is also made
is also making
show examples
also
make self-employment more accessible and tempting for
teenagers
.
Furthermore
, many
teenagers
do not like getting ordered by other
people
. They are more attracted to the idea of being their own boss, they can set their own schedule, places, and salary.
On the other hand
,
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
in
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
show examples
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
more safety
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their salary. They always get paid in the back of the month.
In contrast
,
freelancer
Fix the agreement mistake
freelancers
show examples
only get paid if there are
people
Correct pronoun usage
who hired
show examples
hired
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
them to do their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. There are no
guaranteed
Replace the word
guarantees
show examples
about the paycheck.
Moreover
, corporation
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
have more plans
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
retirement, insurance, and
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
management. In conclusion, many
teenagers
attracted
Add a missing verb
are attracted
show examples
to being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-employee
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
because of the idea that
freelancer
Replace the word
freelancing
show examples
is more accessible rather than
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
for a company.
Submitted by hwidyadana on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. The structure should smoothly lead the reader from one point to the next with appropriate linking devices.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be clear and directly address the topic. The thesis statement should be explicit and the conclusion should effectively summarize the key points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main points with appropriate examples and a fuller explanation. Expansion of ideas allows for a more thorough discussion of the topic.
Task Achievement
Each paragraph should present a complete response to the prompt with a clear main idea, followed by the development of that idea with relevant examples and explanations.
Task Achievement
Clarity could be improved by directly addressing the prompt and providing comprehensive treatment of the topic. Avoid ambiguity and ensure the reader is not left with unanswered questions.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support the arguments. This demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and enhances the overall response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • gig economy
  • entrepreneurship
  • work-life balance
  • autonomy
  • job security
  • benefits
  • health insurance
  • retirement plans
  • income
  • financial management
  • marketing
  • networking
  • customer service
  • inexperienced
  • isolation
  • camaraderie
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