IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary Schools since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary Schools since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #schools #construction #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The map illustrates the changes in infrastructure at
west
Correct your spelling
West Park Secondary Schools
show examples
park
Use synonyms
 secondary schools since its construction in year 1950.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of changes
had been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 taken place
such
Linking Words
 as houses
were
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 demolished into car
Use synonyms
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
size
Add an article
the size
show examples
 of
playground
Add an article
the playground
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased.
According to
Linking Words
 the given data, houses were demolished into car
Use synonyms
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 and science
block
Fix the agreement mistake
blocks
show examples
 in 1980,
while
Linking Words
 in 2010 the area of
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
has been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased, but
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 block was in the same place.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the school name
have been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 renamed and in 1980 and 2019 it
is
Verb problem
became
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main building of the educational institute. Moving
further
Linking Words
, in the direction of southern and western there was
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
farmland in 1950. Surprisingly, the sports field
have taken
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 the place of farmland in 1980.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
area
Correct article usage
the area
show examples
 of
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the main road
run
Wrong verb form
ran
show examples
 in the northern direction which did not
changed
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 in the given time periods.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words park with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • initially
  • subsequently
  • transformation
  • expansion
  • reduction
  • relocation
  • layout
  • adjacent
  • modification
  • demolished
  • constructed
  • facilities
  • infrastructure
  • proximity
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