The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram compares
presentage
Correct your spelling
present
modern
Use synonyms
users
Change noun form
users'
user's
show examples
technology in the UK between 1966 and 2003.
It is clear that
Linking Words
the proportion of CD players is significantly more than Internet access. As can be seen from the graph,
Correct article usage
the precentages
show examples
precentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
of CD players steadily
risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
between 1996 and 2003. But internet access only appeared in 1998
Correct word choice
and than
show examples
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
rocketed in 1999. When internet access became available,
Correct article usage
the amout
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
of mobile
users
Use synonyms
sharply increased. In comparison with Mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, Home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
сlimbing gradually. In 1999 and 2001
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
of mobile phone
users
Use synonyms
considerably increased.
It is clear that
Linking Words
the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of gadget
users
Use synonyms
quickly increased for the entire period.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
Linking words: Add more linking words.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words users with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: