Some researchers believe that all children need to learn a musical instrument as part of their education. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#researchers #children #instrument #part #education

A notion among some researchers is renowned that youngsters need to learn a musical instrument on their academic journey.

This

may create

student

disinterest in other academic courses and consume the time and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

energy which can be used in other productive areas.

Thus

, I

dont

Correct your spelling

don't

agree with the given statement.

Firstly

, learning a skill apart from your academic area may cause some students to deviate from pursuing the subject courses .

Moreover

, these individuals could have

worse

Add an article

a worse

show examples

impact on their academic performance,

therefore

, leading to demotivated and lethargic behaviour.

For instance

survey

Add an article

a survey

show examples

conducted by Karachi High School showed that the students who had their attention drawn towards

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

skills, other than academic courses,

recieved

Correct your spelling

received

bad grades.

However

, developing other skills will add more to the

student

portfolio and bring various benefits in the future.

Nevertheless

, learning a skill is always a

step-forward

Correct your spelling

step forward

show examples

However

learnig

Correct your spelling

learning

a musical instrument might not be a skill that every

student

is interested in

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

so is least likely to yield astounding results.

For instance

, in

contemporary

Add an article

the contemporary

show examples

world

Add a comma

world,

show examples

every employer wants to employ someone who knows how to use

chatgpt

Correct your spelling

chatbot

Thus

learning something beneficial and relevant to the modern world could be more sensible.

Thus

, learning a musical instrument could be something not to invest your precious time and energy in.

Whereas

this

precious and

ireversible

Correct your spelling

irreversible

reversible

time can be used in other productive areas

such

as learning digital marketing, search engine

optimisatio

Correct your spelling

optimisation

optimization

and

chatgpt

Correct your spelling

chatbot

. In conclusion, every

student

has different interests, some may like playing a musical

istrument

Correct your spelling

instrument

and some may not. And so, imposing it upon every individual to learn something they might not be inclined towards may be a bad option, especially in

contemporary

Add an article

the contemporary

a contemporary

show examples

world where it is least likely to yield advantages.

Submitted by irazalalji on Wed Nov 22 2023

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task achievement

Be sure to fully address all parts of the task. The essay presents a one-sided argument without acknowledging the potential benefits of learning a musical instrument as part of education. A balanced view with a clear opinion would enhance the essay.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating a logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices to help guide the reader through your argument. Ensure your conclusion summarises your main points effectively.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some researchers believe that all children need to learn a musical instrument as part of their education. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in foreign countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people?

81.Some people believe that the society should be based on rules and laws. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some say that young and energetic employees are the more valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples, based on you own experience.