IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 0.5

The chart below showes the changes in three different areas crime in Manchester city centre from 2003-2012

#showes #changes #three #areas #crime #manchester #city #centre
The line graph illustrates the variation of crimes in burglary, car theft and robbery in Manchester city
center
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centre
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 in a 9-year period.
Overall
, the most significant changes realized that burglaries in Manchester fell dramatically over the decade.
Although
 robbery has remained relatively stable in numbers, car theft has had a significantly higher position in the city of Manchester over the period shown.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

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task achievement
You have provided an acceptable opening sentence that paraphrases the topic, but this is a very limited response. To achieve a higher score, an in-depth analysis with specific data points is needed throughout the essay to adequately describe the trends and changes in crime depicted by the chart. Additionally, you should aim for a more substantial response by including an overview with key features, detailed paragraphs with evidence from the data, and a conclusion that summarises the main points or gives a final thought based on the information.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of your essay are weak due to the lack of logical structure and development of ideas. The essay does not contain a clear overview, body paragraphs, or a conclusion. For improvement, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, is fully developed with supporting sentences, and all paragraphs logically follow one another. Use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs together effectively. Including an introduction that leads into a clear overview and concluded with a summarized conclusion will greatly help in achieving a better score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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