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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The maps below show the centre of a small town called (slip as it is now, and plans for its development. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps below show the centre of a small town called (slip as it is now, and plans for its development. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#maps #show #centre #town #plans #development #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The maps illustrate the centre of a little
city
Use synonyms
 before and after
development
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. Regarding the town before
development
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, there is
Use synonyms
road
Add an article
a road
the road
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 on the northern
side
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 of the
city
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 called the main
road
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 and
this
Linking Words
road
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 is surrounded by shopping malls at the top and the bottom.
Moreover
Linking Words
, at the top of these shops is the
country
Correct your spelling
countryside
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side
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I can see that there is a way from the main
road
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 to the southeast which is connected to a tiny park and there is another one which is connected to the school. In regard to the
city
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 after
development
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, on the northern
side
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 of
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
city
Add a comma
city,
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 there is a Bus station, Shopping centre and car park.
In addition
Linking Words
, there is a wide range of shops at the centre of the
city
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 which is separated from the top by the pedestrian cross. On the other
side
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 of the coin, there is a large number of housing and small parks on the eastern
side
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 of
this
Linking Words
city
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. All of these places which I mentioned are surrounded by
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road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
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.
At the end
Linking Words
, there is a school on the southern
side
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 which is outside
side
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 the
city
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, even though
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 after
development
Use synonyms
 has a lot more facilities, there are some places which are common between these two maps.
Submitted by parsahassani077 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words city, development, road, side with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban planning
  • town centre
  • development
  • infrastructure
  • residential
  • commercial
  • pedestrian
  • amenities
  • refurbishment
  • green spaces
  • public transport
  • conservation
  • modernization
  • facilities
  • expansion
  • renovation
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