IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. I strongly believe that the pros far outweigh the cons, and will examine both below.

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Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays

The word Nowaday doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, studying abroad is no longer a strange concept to everyone. The number of people going abroad to study is increasing. There are many mixed opinions surrounding
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 trend.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I still believe that the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, it is undisputed that education overseas is a trend in developing countries, but it doesn’t mean it doesn't have any cons.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, studying in other countries means you will live alone and feel isolated
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 language barriers
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker unless. Consider removing the comma.

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 unless you have acquaintances there.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, you are susceptible to juvenile delinquency
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 lack of parental supervision and maybe you don’t know all the laws in that country.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, studying abroad
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 brings many benefits. As I said above, you will live alone but that
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 helps you be more independent.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, educational standards are better compared with our nation. Students can get a high level of education with new technology, which helps them to obtain more career opportunities and get a better job.
Thirdly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when you go to another country to study, you will be eye-opening about their culture, people,
technology
Correct word choice
and technology

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 and you will improve
the
Change the word
your

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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 fluency
of
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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second
Correct article usage
a second

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 language. In conclusion, there is no doubt about the important role of education abroad in some countries, but its
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks

It seems that drawback may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 can not be ignored.

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coherence cohesion
When constructing your essay, ensure that it has a clear and logical structure. Your essay shows a basic structure, but the progression of ideas could be improved for better clarity. Use clear paragraphing and make more explicit connections between your ideas to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, strive to make your thesis statement and concluding remarks stronger by directly addressing the question and summarizing your main points more crisply.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea or topic sentence that is well-supported throughout the paragraph. Some of your points require further development and more detailed examples to persuade the reader effectively. Expand your main points with additional arguments or evidence for greater impact.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. While you have addressed the general topic, developing some of your ideas more thoroughly will create a more compelling argument. Avoid general statements and provide more depth in your explanations of the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.
task achievement
Aim to convey your ideas clearly and comprehensively. It is important to avoid repeating the same points and instead, explain your ideas in sufficient detail. Use specific examples to illustrate your points where appropriate.
task achievement
Make an effort to include relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay would benefit from real-world examples or anecdotes that could make your arguments more convincing and relatable to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scholarships
  • financial aid
  • diverse range
  • exposure
  • globalization
  • facilitated
  • application processes
  • broadening the horizon
  • brain drain
  • negatively impacting
  • cultural shock
  • isolation
  • outweigh
  • mental health
  • adjustment issues
  • reliance
  • undermine
  • domestic educational institutions
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • invaluable
  • fostering
  • global citizens
  • diverse cultures
  • perspectives
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