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Writing Samples /
Band 4

THE RANGE AND QUALITY OF FOOD HAS BEEN IMPROVED WITH THE DEVELOPMENT OF TECHNOLOGY AND SCIENTIFIC ADVANCE. SOME PEOPLE THINK ITS GOOD AND OTHERS THINK IT IS HARMFUL. DISCUSS TWO SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#range #quality #food #development #technology #advance #people #two
There are split opinions regarding the issue of goods quality which has been improving over the years by technology and scientific research.
This
 essay will explore both sides of the issue and clarify my opinion in the following paragraphs.
Ti
Correct your spelling
To
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 begin with, some people tend to think that chemically prepared products could have
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact on the body of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 so, they might suffer from deadly diseases.
Also
, organic farming may be slower and much more expensive
rather
Rephrase
apply
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than
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
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.
For example
, inhabitants who
are
Verb problem
do
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 not get any information
of
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about
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this
,
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apply
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 may buy some
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 in
shop
Add an article
a shop
the shop
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.
Then
 by not informing and increasing
such
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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, they could have foods which are added by some chemical things and may have
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 which may lead to even death.
Moreover
, consuming
this
 type of food
,
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apply
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 might have
negatory
Correct word choice
a negative
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affect
Replace the word
effect
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 and changes on
Correct article usage
the dwellers
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dwellers
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dwellers'
dweller's
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 organism. Despite the negatives mentioned above, prepared food may be good for
inhabitant
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inhabitants
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for
Change preposition
in
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 the following sentence.
Firstly
, farmers can produce crops that grow bigger and faster which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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may look more attractive to customers. By
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reason
of
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apply
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looking perfect, farmers will have more clients who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can help build up farmers
career
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careers
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.
Also
, faster growing of cereals, fruit and vegetables will mean more profit not only to the seller,
this
 could be beneficial for food production in their developing country. In conclusion, there always will be disputes between humans. I am in favour of the opinion
these stuff
Change the determiner
this stuff
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 bring more drawbacks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human beings and residents should avoid
to eat
Change the verb form
eating
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 as much as possible.
Submitted by esenbai0905 on

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task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task directly and develop your ideas fully. Your essay should have a clear position throughout.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear paragraphs, each containing one main idea with supporting sentences. Include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to help with the structure and flow of your essay.
task achievement
Back up your main points with relevant examples or evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Agricultural efficiency
  • Food preservation
  • Nutritional enhancements
  • Genetically modified organisms (GMOs)
  • Processed foods
  • Ecological footprint
  • Biodiversity
  • Pesticides
  • Factory farming
  • Lab-grown meat
  • Sustainability
  • Food distribution
  • Food security
  • Ethical sourcing
  • Monoculture farming
What to do next:
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