Some people think that quality of life is less closely related to money than to the amount of free time they have. What is more important for good quality of life ? What other factors do you think are important?

#people #quality #life #money #amount #time #factors

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

These days, people are working more and more to increase their living standards, but the question remains: is

money

Use synonyms

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

the only effective way to enhance our quality of

life

Use synonyms

? No doubt,

this

Linking Words

question has been a matter of debate and controversy with many conflicting

opinion

Change to a plural noun

opinions

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss and

juxtpaose

Correct your spelling

juxtapose

juxtaposed

some factors that could enhance our lives. Some say that

money

Use synonyms

matters when it comes to

Linking Words

overall

Add an article

the overall

show examples

satisfaction of individuals. Understandably, it makes sense.

To an

Change preposition

show examples

example of rich celebrities. They have an ample amount of convenient tools,

such

Linking Words

as luxury cars, personal fitness trainers, household servants and so on. Not only

this

Linking Words

Add the word(s)

, but

show examples

their wealth

also

Linking Words

enable

Change the verb form

enables

show examples

them to spend

vacation

Add an article

a vacation

the vacation

show examples

in any part of the world with friends and family on expensive yachts, famous hotels and any luxury that one could possibly imagine.

This

Linking Words

leads many people to believe that more bank balance is the only way to achieve

prosperous

Add an article

a prosperous

show examples

life

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is not always true. Many celebrities

work

Use synonyms

tirelessly from one project to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

another.

This

Linking Words

has many repercussions on their

overall

Linking Words

wellbeing

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, the famous veteran of

film

Correct article usage

the film

show examples

industry Jim Carey had confessed that going after wealth has brought him depression and

also

Linking Words

led him to resort to drug abuse in order to encounter the stress of his

work

Use synonyms

and managing personal

life

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

serve

Change the verb form

serves

show examples

as evidence that wealth alone does not suffice for a better

life

Use synonyms

. Man is a social animal; how extra

money

Use synonyms

could bring happiness if there is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

time

Use synonyms

for an individual to meet his social and recreational needs ?

This

Linking Words

is why it is important to foster a lifestyle that

also

Linking Words

leave

Change the verb form

leaves

show examples

a person adequate spare

time

Use synonyms

to meet family and friends , and personal amusement.To illustrate, the joy of meeting friends on weekends, spending

time

Use synonyms

playing sports and talking to family after

work

Use synonyms

, are far more important for sentimental needs than grinding oneself, physically and mentally,

while

Linking Words

doing long shifts at

work

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, a

work

Use synonyms

life

Use synonyms

balance is mandatory to augment quality of

life

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

can bring many luxuries to enjoy

life

Use synonyms

to its fullest, compromising social and leisure

time

Use synonyms

in exchange for more salary is

also

Linking Words

counterproductive.

Therfore

Correct your spelling

Therefore

, a person needs to maintain

the

Correct article usage

show examples

balance of both.

Submitted by rohit.narad90 on Thu Nov 23 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The essay generally presents a logical structure, but there are instances of disjointedness that affect the flow of information. The sequence of ideas could be more smoothly transitioned to enhance the readability of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Although an introduction and conclusion are present, both could be strengthened with more clarity and a definitive stance. The introduction should clearly state the upcoming structure, and the conclusion should succinctly sum up the writer's position.

coherence cohesion

Main points are supported by examples and explanations; however, some ideas require further development to fully convey their relevance. Aim to integrate examples more seamlessly into the argument and to ensure they directly support the corresponding main point.

task achievement

The essay responds to the prompt with a complete answer, addressing both parts of the question. However, ensure all aspects are fully developed with a well-balanced argument for a higher score.

task achievement

Clarity could be improved with more precise language and focussed argumentation. Avoid overly general statements by articulating specific ideas that directly engage with the question.

task achievement

Relevant examples are provided, but specificity is key. Enhance the quality of your examples by including details that clearly illustrate the argument, making them integral to your overall point rather than merely supplementary.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

375 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?
The traditional medicine has had a crucial impact in our societies, and our quality of life has been improved by executing cutting-edge diagnosis techniques and treatments. However, many people has replaced to visit their usual doctor for alternative and non-evidence based medicine. I think that both sides have advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will explain my reasons in detail.
6.5
band
Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and gie your own opinion.
Some individuals believe that doctors and engineers must work in the country where they are trained . While others do not accept that and believe they might have the chance to work in another country if they want. In my opinion, medicine and engineering students can work wherever they want if they have enough requirements.
4.5
band
Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are a subgroup of people that believe that some architectural constructions have more worth and that there would be merit in their preservation, compared to other structures that are equally as worn out. In this essay I will discuss why this is an appropriate notion and reach a conclusion.
6
band
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers
The majority of the people attaining adulthood spend most of their time at work, In this context, job satisfaction for one's own well-being is more important than anything. Considering such importance, certain factors including, working environment and pay scale contribute to their thirst to live satisfactory life at work. However, to meet all these conditions are just like a dream for some workers.
7
band
Some people are happy to spend their whole lives in the same area. Other people prefer to live in many different areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion
These days, Transportation is developing, and you can not only travel to other areas but also carry your house or tools for living in other districts; however, a group of people prefer to spend their whole lives in one region; in contrast, some people have the different idea they like to emigrate to other zones. In my opinion, migration is the best choice because you can obtain more experience.

Some people think that quality of life is less closely related to money than to the amount of free time they have. What is more important for good quality of life ? What other factors do you think are important?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and gie your own opinion.

Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers

Some people are happy to spend their whole lives in the same area. Other people prefer to live in many different areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion