In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.

In recent years, there's
a
Add a missing verb
been a
show examples
successful market for
skin
whitening cosmetic
products
in numerous
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
. The main reasons are the
beauty
trend created by commercial campaigns and the social norm being expected
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
women
.
This
can lead to effects
such
as money being wasted on useless
products
and the rise of several
skin
problems. The first reason for
this
trend is the
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
beauty
standard being presented in commercial campaigns made by
beauty
companies. In
these advertisement
Change the determiner
this advertisement
these advertisements
show examples
, more often than not, the models being presented are white people with flawless
skin
, which
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
a standard into people's minds that only white
skin
is considered as beautiful. Take,
for example
, Olay commercials that always showcase a
bright
Correct your spelling
bright-skinned
show examples
skin
woman as a beautiful and
sucessful enterpreuner
Correct your spelling
successful entrepreneur
. Another reason is that it is now considered a norm for
women
to pay attention
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
taking care of their appearance. Even though they're talented, female individuals are being judged by their looks and as white
reflextion
Correct your spelling
reflection
is considered as the standard, they're required to preserve their white and bright
skin
. The first effect of
this
trend is the significant amount of money wasted on unnecessary
products
that claim to whiten the
skin
. Despite the high price, these items are not
effective
Rephrase
as effective
show examples
as they are promoted and
as a result
, they will be thrown away after a couple
uses
Change preposition
of uses
show examples
. Another
consequnce
Correct your spelling
consequence
of using these
products
is the
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
number of
skin
issues. The reason is that
women
are taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
using unofficial cosmetic items that include detrimental components in order to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bright white
skin
.
For example
, a myriad of
women
in Southern Vietnam use "mixed cream" as a body lotion to brighten their
skin
even though these lotions are confirmed to contain corticoid - a banned chemical that can cause
skin
irritation, redness or inflammation after a few months
being
Change preposition
of being
show examples
used. In conclusion,
it's
Correct pronoun usage
there's
show examples
now an increasing number of cosmetic
products
for
skin
whitening in several regions. The main reasons are the
beauty
standards promoted by companies and the social
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
for
women
.
This
can result in negative ramifications
such
as wasted money and more
skin
diseas
Correct your spelling
disease
diseases
.
Submitted by tieuvuphuonghoa on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to it.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices to help connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, concise, and paraphrase the task without losing any essential elements.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response covers the reasons for using products and discusses the effects they have in terms of health and society in equal measure.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas more comprehensively by adding more specific details and examples.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary to express your ideas with precision and avoid repetition.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Skin lightening
  • Whitening products
  • Cultural standards
  • Beauty ideals
  • Media portrayal
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Colorism
  • Self-esteem
  • Toxic ingredients
  • Hydroquinone
  • Mercury
  • Melanin
  • Dermatological health
  • Consumer awareness
  • Regulatory bodies
  • Ethical marketing
  • Natural remedies
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