Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Most
students
aim to enhance their
capabilities
by exploring
subjects
beyond their major at the
university
.
On the other hand
, some argue that it is crucial for
students
to concentrate their time on the main
subjects
at the
university
as a qualification before obtaining a
graduate
degree. In
this
essay, I will discuss both views regarding
students
fulfilling their
capabilities
outside of the main subject and the importance of learning mandatory
subjects
at the
university
.
Students
need to study additional
subjects
on top of the mandatory campus
subjects
.
This
is essential to enhance their
skills
and
knowledge
beyond their major.
Moreover
, other
capabilities
,
such
as soft
skills
and practical
knowledge
, are crucial before entering the workplace.
For instance
, learning about soft
skills
like presentation or interviewing may not be provided by the
university
.
However
, these
capabilities
are vital for
graduate
students
as they enter the workforce.
Furthermore
,
graduate
students
from the
university
have already acquired
skills
and
knowledge
during their academic journey.
Nevertheless
, there are requirements for
students
to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
these
capabilities
outside of their main subject.
Firstly
, they must successfully pass the mandatory
subjects
at the
university
.
Due to
the
university
's minimum requirements,
students
must pass specific
subjects
before obtaining their
graduate
degree.
Secondly
,
students
who are allowed to explore other
subjects
might already be in their final year.
Last
but not least, the
skills
and
knowledge
required in the workplace are based on
university
programs, specifically the mandatory
subjects
provided by the
university
throughout their academic studies.
This
knowledge
and these
skills
will assist them in solving workplace problems effectively. In summary,
students
who study
subjects
outside of their main discipline are granted the opportunity to enhance their
skills
, including soft
skills
, before entering the workforce.
Furthermore
, universities have mandatory
subjects
that all
students
must pass, which is essential for meeting requirements before obtaining a
graduate
degree.
Submitted by haloalwan on

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Task Achievement
Your essay tends to generalize rather than examining specific points in depth and sometimes repeats ideas. To improve task achievement, try to develop your arguments by providing more precise and varied examples. This will ensure a more complete response to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing shows an attempt to organize ideas logically. However, to reach a higher band for coherence and cohesion, it's imperative to structure the essay more effectively. Use clear and distinct topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that the flow between ideas is smoother. Connectives should be used to demonstrate clear relationships between points.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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