IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?

#people #internet #information #access
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In order to support the view that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 is a huge
information
Use synonyms
 resource but
also
Linking Words
 has the potential to cause problems,it is necessary to consider how to access and use today's
information
Use synonyms
 from various angles. 　First,the large amount of
information
Use synonyms
 available on the
internet
Use synonyms
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 it difficult for individuals to filter and find appropriate and accurate
information
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,confusion may occur,making decisions becomes difficult,and there are too many options and
information
Use synonyms
 to make
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
. 　Second,the
internet
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 connected to the rapid spread of misinformation with the ease of publishing
information
Use synonyms
 online,it is becoming more and more difficult to distinguish between reliable sources and non-reliable sources.
This
Linking Words
 spread of
such
Linking Words
 false and misleading
information
Use synonyms
 can affect public opinion,health choices,
political
Correct word choice
and political
show examples
 decisions,and have serious consequences.
For example
Linking Words
,the spread of false health laws and conspiracy theories may lead to dangerous
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in the real world. Another problem is that search engines may not be able to find users who have previously "liked” users they have liked or agreed to in the past.
This
Linking Words
 creates
information
Use synonyms
 that reinforces one's beliefs and filters out dissenting opinions,potentially limiting
expose
Replace the word
exposure
show examples
 to diverse viewpoints.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the ease of access to
information
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
 may
also
Linking Words
 reduce critical thinking and research skills.Because answers are readily available,people tend to accept the first answer they find without questioning its validity or searching for its source.
This
Linking Words
 can hinder the development of thinking skills essential for evaluating and interpreting
information
Use synonyms
. 　In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 is a unique resource for accessing
information
Use synonyms
,the challenges posed by the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 in terms of
information
Use synonyms
 overload,misinformation, and reduced critical thinking skills highlight the complexity and potential problems associated with its use.
Submitted by chisae112 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction with a proper thesis statement that presents the candidate's position. Make sure to include an introductory paragraph that outlines the main points and clearly states your view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is developed with explanations, examples, and reasons. Your paragraphs seem to cover multiple ideas, which can be confusing.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion of the essay is not clearly distinguished from the rest of the text. A concluding paragraph should summarize the main points and restate the position taken, providing a clear ending to the essay.
task achievement
Work on answering the prompt completely by ensuring that your position is clear throughout the essay. Your essay should explain which view you support and why, but the position was not explicit.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully to cover all parts of the task. Include more detailed and substantive points that directly relate to the question posed. The ideas presented are somewhat repetitive and lack depth.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. This adds weight to your arguments and demonstrates an understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: