Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while other believe that they should be treated like patients and sent to hospital. Discuss bothe these views and give your own opinion
In the debate
of
how to deal with drug addicts? Change preposition
on
people
have two different approaches, half of them believe in treating such
people
as criminals while
other
half is more compassionate and wants them to be considered as patients. It is striking how opposite both the narratives are, with one focussing on punishment and the other on rehabilitation, Correct article usage
the other
moreover
, personally I opine more with the first perspective.
First of all, statistically today drugs are more commonly used than they ever were. It is illegal to sell them and still
1/3 of a Add a comma
still,
country
population is under its influence. Change noun form
country's
People
knowing
all the related health hazards and Wrong verb form
who know
its
impact on Correct pronoun usage
their
the
behaviour, still willingly pay Change the word
their
high
price to buy Add an article
a high
it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Such
people
become a source of causing crime in
Change preposition
on
streets
and harm other Correct article usage
the streets
people
. As per the police records, a vast number of criminal activities are performed by drug-addicts
and yet they are unaware of their activities Correct your spelling
drug addicts
due to
drugs. Hence
, it is compulsory to jail them and provide medical facility
inside so they can recover from the addiction and get the punishment for their Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
wrong doings
.
Correct your spelling
wrongdoings
On the other hand
, irony
of Add an article
the irony
this
addiction is that some people
unwillingly fall in
the trap of Change preposition
into
some
junky friends or cunning sellers and sometimes depression takes Correct quantifier usage
apply
toll
on them. These Add an article
a toll
people
need help via rehabilitation centers
or some psychics for mental illness treatment and some moral support from family and society. Change the spelling
centres
For instance
, rehab centers
demand has increased as 6 out of 10 addicts make their journey to soberness every other quarter. Fix the agreement mistake
center
This
needs to be highlighted and promoted among communities in order to have a peaceful crimefree
and Correct your spelling
crime-free
addiction free
environment.
In conclusion, it is understandable that the population is divided into two groups for drug addicts with one taking it as a crime and Add a hyphen
addiction-free
other
as an illness. It is, Correct article usage
the other
however
, the demand that is
similar, which is the treatment. In my belief
it is a crime that one commits within his senses and later cannot step out of Add a comma
belief,
this
turmoil, so it is necessary to put a stop by putting them on jail trials and give
them Wrong verb form
giving
required
treatment inside the jail.Correct article usage
the required
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction discusses the two perspectives, but it's not clear. The introduction should present the purpose of the essay and a brief overview of the points that will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear and logical progression of ideas. Your paragraphs should be well-organized with clear topic sentences and subsequent sentences should clearly support the main idea.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is present, but it does not effectively summarize the main points of the essay. Ensure that your conclusion restates the main ideas and your own opinion clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but does not fully develop all parts. Spend more time analyzing each viewpoint and present more developed ideas and arguments.
task achievement
Your arguments need to be supported by more relevant examples and evidence. Use clear examples to illustrate your points and provide more depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with the use of complex sentences to avoid errors with grammar and punctuation. Aim for accuracy to enhance the clarity of your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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