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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below illustrates the amount of time spent on various leisure activities by men and women in a given town in 2019.

The bar chart below illustrates the amount of time spent on various leisure activities by men and women in a given town in 2019.
#bar #amount #time #leisure #activities #men #women #town
The bar graph illustrates the amount of time spent by travellers on three main activities namely at the
beach
, reading books,
visiting
Correct word choice
and visiting
show examples
places
 by both genders in a given town in year of 2019. The data has been calibrated in terms of numbers.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that the highest number of
hours
 were spent on reading books.
While
 the least time was spent on visiting new
places
 in the given year.
According to
 the given data, the largest number of
hours
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been spent by Chinese tourists on reading books. Followed by Brazilian residents who invest 6
hours
 at the
beach
 area.
Moreover
, the least time was spent on exploring
places
 by all the countries travellers. Moving
further
, American as well Turkish travellers spent equal
hours
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading
as well as
 at the
beach
 respectively.
Therefore
,
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
show examples
 people invest their 3
hours
 at the
beach side
Correct your spelling
beachside
show examples
.
Lastly
,
Correct article usage
the turkish
show examples
turkish
Change the capitalization
Turkish
show examples
 and
american
Change the capitalization
American
show examples
 public spend nearly 3
hours
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visiting
places
.
Submitted by svmaibcamaibs on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words beach, places, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
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