Students at university often have a choice of places to live. Some prefer to live on the campus dormitories while others choose to live in apartments in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons and specific details to support your preference

University
students
may come from various backgrounds and different countries, especially if the university itself is quite popular with international
students
. One of the important points for the
students
before starting the semester is choosing suitable accommodation. The Majority of
students
prefer to live in the dormitory as it is usually quite affordable and
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
the campus.
However
, I believe leasing an
apartment
is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable since it is not restricted by dorm rules and gives easier access to facilities and activities in the community. Living in
own-leased
Correct article usage
an own-leased
show examples
apartment
clearly gives more flexibility for
students
. Unlike in dormitories, there
is
Change the verb form
are
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no restricting rules
such
as curfews
thus
students
can utilize and manage their time more creatively than living in dormitories.
Students
may
also
find
this
benefit attractive since they can actively do part-time work or spend more time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
research or their thesis outside campus.
In addition
, by living in an
apartment
outside campus,
students
can access various facilities and activities offered in the community. It is beneficial especially for international
students
since they can directly learn and immerse themselves in the local culture on a daily basis.
Students
can
also
quickly learn the local language
while
living in the community. They can
also
gain insightful experience from being involved in a community’s activities
such
as local festivities. In summary,
although
living in dormitories may have its perks, living in an
apartment
provides more diverse advantages for
students
. Living in apartments will certainly give beneficial and impactful experiences for the
students
.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical structure of the essay progresses smoothly from one point to the next. Transition sentences between paragraphs would enhance the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Continue to use introductions and conclusions to frame the essay, but strive for a more impactful conclusion that summarises the discussion and clearly restates your position.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with a range of detailed examples. Your essay provided some specifics, but further diversified examples and evidence would make the argument stronger.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by ensuring that the response is fully developed and extends on all main points. Clarify your stance more strongly throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by elaborating on your points with deeper analysis. Present arguments in a way that unambiguously communicates your view to the reader.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples that directly support your preference. Real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios could add weight to your arguments.

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