IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Students at university often have a choice of places to live. Some prefer to live on the campus dormitories while others choose to live in apartments in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons and specific details to support your preference

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University
students
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 may come from various backgrounds and different countries, especially if the university itself is quite popular with international
students
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. One of the important points for the
students
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 before starting the semester is choosing suitable accommodation. The Majority of
students
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 prefer to live in the dormitory as it is usually quite affordable and
nearby
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near
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 the campus.
However
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, I believe leasing an
apartment
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 is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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preferable since it is not restricted by dorm rules and gives easier access to facilities and activities in the community. Living in
own-leased
Correct article usage
an own-leased
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apartment
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 clearly gives more flexibility for
students
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. Unlike in dormitories, there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 no restricting rules
such
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 as curfews
thus
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students
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 can utilize and manage their time more creatively than living in dormitories.
Students
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 may
also
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 find
this
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 benefit attractive since they can actively do part-time work or spend more time
for
Change preposition
on
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 research or their thesis outside campus.
In addition
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, by living in an
apartment
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 outside campus,
students
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 can access various facilities and activities offered in the community. It is beneficial especially for international
students
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 since they can directly learn and immerse themselves in the local culture on a daily basis.
Students
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 can
also
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 quickly learn the local language
while
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 living in the community. They can
also
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 gain insightful experience from being involved in a community’s activities
such
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 as local festivities. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 living in dormitories may have its perks, living in an
apartment
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 provides more diverse advantages for
students
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. Living in apartments will certainly give beneficial and impactful experiences for the
students
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical structure of the essay progresses smoothly from one point to the next. Transition sentences between paragraphs would enhance the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Continue to use introductions and conclusions to frame the essay, but strive for a more impactful conclusion that summarises the discussion and clearly restates your position.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with a range of detailed examples. Your essay provided some specifics, but further diversified examples and evidence would make the argument stronger.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by ensuring that the response is fully developed and extends on all main points. Clarify your stance more strongly throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by elaborating on your points with deeper analysis. Present arguments in a way that unambiguously communicates your view to the reader.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples that directly support your preference. Real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios could add weight to your arguments.
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