IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some believe that children should be taught from a young age ow to handle money. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#believe #children #age #ow #money
Almost of people think that teaching about management
money
 to kids
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age is a good approach.
For
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, I certainly agree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will explore my view. There are two main reasons I am of opinion that parents should introduce how to handle
money
 for their children. It is important that educating about
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of
money
 can improve awareness in utilizing, and saving can help their finance in the future.
For example
, youngsters may use their
money
 to buy what they want
such
 as books, clothes, and other items, which are necessarily on them, by having without
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 from anyone.
As a result
, it is important that kids who obtain knowledge can cope with
money
 problems more than those who do not have learning. Another reason for my view is why handling funds appropriately should be instilled in childhood. If there are unprecedented circumstances in the future, a child will
be
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 easy to deal with
this
 trouble. In other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, Children who learn about financial management and recognize
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of
money
 can find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways to handle it.
Moreover
, strengthening
this
 skill can provide many benefits.
For instance
, when they grow up to be an adult, they can use
budget
Add an article
a budget
the budget
show examples
, which
save
Wrong verb form
saved
show examples
 from the past, to make a foundation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their life
such
 as company, married life, and
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
.
As a result
, saving
money
 from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age can increase life in
someday
Correct your spelling
some time
show examples
. In conclusion, after considering these discussions, my thought is that I firmly believe that young children should be taught how to handle their own finances.
Submitted by champperkhu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your essay needs a clear introduction stating your position; the main body where you elaborate your points with explanations and examples; and a conclusion that summarizes your main ideas and restates your position. Please ensure that your introduction and conclusion are fully developed to meet the criteria of the task.
coherence
Keep your ideas organized; each paragraph should have a clear central topic which is then elaborated on throughout. Use linking words to show the relationship between your ideas and make sure the essay flows logically from one point to the next. Avoid repeating arguments without adding new information.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to the prompt by addressing all parts of the task and presenting a clear argument throughout the essay. Ensure your main points are expanded upon with relevant, specific examples and clear explanations of how they relate to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: