IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.
#show #temperatures #months #three #cities #hours #sunshine #year
The line graph illustrates the average
temperature
 in a year based on three cities,
while
 the table shows the total
hours
 of sunshine yearly in these areas.
Overall
, the average
temperature
 and the yearly
hours
 of sunshine of these three cities, which were London, New
York
, and Sydney varied each time.
However
, in terms of yearly average
temperature
, July was the month where these cities experienced both
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 and lowest
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 compared to each other.
According to
 the line chart, London and New
York
 had their coldest
temperature
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 January and December. In the middle of the year, which was July, both countries experienced the highest
temperature
. New
York
 reached almost 30
degrees
, in which it
also
 had the largest amount of sun
hours
.
Furthermore
, London reached just below 25
degrees
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 July, yet it had the lowest amount of total sun
hours
.
On the other hand
, Sydney was the hottest city
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 January and December. The number
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 nearly 25
degrees
.
However
, it declined to nearly 15
degrees
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 July. The total number of sunshine in Sydney was just below New
York
.
Submitted by nadillamntr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, hours, york, degrees with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: