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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.
#show #temperatures #months #three #cities #hours #sunshine #year
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The line graph illustrates the average
temperature
Use synonyms
 in a year based on three cities,
while
Linking Words
 the table shows the total
hours
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 of sunshine yearly in these areas.
Overall
Linking Words
, the average
temperature
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 and the yearly
hours
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 of sunshine of these three cities, which were London, New
York
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, and Sydney varied each time.
However
Linking Words
, in terms of yearly average
temperature
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, July was the month where these cities experienced both
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 and lowest
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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 compared to each other.
According to
Linking Words
 the line chart, London and New
York
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 had their coldest
temperature
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on
Change preposition
in
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 January and December. In the middle of the year, which was July, both countries experienced the highest
temperature
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. New
York
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 reached almost 30
degrees
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, in which it
also
Linking Words
 had the largest amount of sun
hours
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, London reached just below 25
degrees
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on
Change preposition
in
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 July, yet it had the lowest amount of total sun
hours
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Sydney was the hottest city
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 January and December. The number
were
Change the verb form
was
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 nearly 25
degrees
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.
However
Linking Words
, it declined to nearly 15
degrees
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 July. The total number of sunshine in Sydney was just below New
York
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.
Submitted by nadillamntr on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, hours, york, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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