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Band 2.5

some people beleive that it is important to keep the home and the work place tidy and organized. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view.

#people #beleive #home #work #place
A plethora of people are being messy in their places because they are not being aware of organized
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
However
, many pupils think that it is essential to keep things in
proper
Add an article
the proper
show examples
 place. It is partly true,
well organised
Add a hyphen
well-organised
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 people always remain active in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 life.
This
 essay will elaborate
further
 in the following paragraphs. In the contemporary era, many people are busy
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
work
 so they don't keep things well organised. It is certainly to make
to do
Add a hyphen
to-do
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 list for daily
work
 at home
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 instance, making bed tidying
bedroom
Correct article usage
the bedroom
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 and doing dishes. Manage your time well for doing chores at home and
work
.
Furthermore
, the calendar has given us
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to mark the important dates of
work
.
Therefore
, doing
every day
Correct your spelling
everyday
show examples
 tasks can help to prevent things from piling up. In the home, it is easier to get your closet to manage your wardrobe. You can
also
 find easily a specific piece of clothing for closet organizers. Other helpful closet accessories like drawer dividers to separate socks and ties to save
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
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 time. If you could do some steps your world
is
Wrong verb form
would be
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 physically well organised.
In addition
,
organized
Correct word choice
if organized
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 in the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
also
Rephrase
apply
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you can do different tasks. The decluttering of useless papers on your desk.
Submitted by mobinadurrani43 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is difficult to follow due to lack of clear logical structure. Ideas need to be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct point that relates to the overall thesis.
coherence cohesion
There is no clear introduction or conclusion in the essay which are imperative parts of the structure. Ensure that the essay starts with an introduction, has body paragraphs, and concludes with a summary or final thought.
coherence cohesion
Main points require adequate support with relevant examples or explanations. Expand on the points made by providing evidence or reasoning that strengthens the argument.
task achievement
The response fails to fully address the question. Make sure to state your position clearly and develop it throughout the essay. The argument seems incomplete and ends abruptly without sufficient explanation or a conclusion.
task achievement
Ideas presented are not fully clear or comprehensive. Work on clarifying your opinion and the points that support it, ensuring that they are directly related to the question.
task achievement
Use of examples is good but should be directly relevant and used to effectively support your argument. Ensure the examples are specific and directly relate to the point you are making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • mental well-being
  • professionalism
  • attention to detail
  • work-life balance
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • mental clutter
  • order and control
  • infrastructure
  • ergonomics
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