IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The time people devote to the job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause?

#time #people #job #life #shortage
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The contemporary
Correct article usage
Contemporary
show examples
 men and women are spending more
time
Use synonyms
 at work.
This
Linking Words
 is not restricted to a single society and
prevalent
Add a missing verb
is prevalent
show examples
 in many nations. The magnitude of
this
Linking Words
 prevalence will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
essays
Fix the agreement mistake
essay
show examples
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 underscoring the reasons for the same. I opine that
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 cause why
people
Use synonyms
 have less
time
Use synonyms
 is because of the rising cost of living. The cost of essential goods and services is Escalating year by year without
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
 increase in salaries.
This
Linking Words
 leads
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
numerous
people
Use synonyms
 to work even more harder to keep up with their regular expenses.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peer pressure is
also
Linking Words
 a reason for
people
Use synonyms
 to have
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 like to stay abreast of their friends'
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 to be accepted into their social circle, which prompts them to
expend
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 more hours at work or to take up multiple jobs. The reason why I believe
this
Linking Words
 is widespread
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 online social platforms,
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 omnipresent in every income group . There,
people
Use synonyms
 often post
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pictures
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their expensive dresses, new cars, and so on ;
as a result
Linking Words
, it is difficult to escape peer pressure in
this
Linking Words
 era of heightened connectivity. With that being said, it has many negative impacts on
people
Use synonyms
's lives. First of all, it deteriorates
mental-wellbeing
Replace the word
the mental well-being
show examples
 of a person. To illustrate, if a professional did not have
time
Use synonyms
 for his personal amusement and social needs, it would lead to
overall
Linking Words
 dissatisfaction with life.
As well as
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it leads to weight and obesity because spending more
time
Use synonyms
 at
Correct article usage
the workplaces
show examples
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
also
Linking Words
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 sacrificing exercise
time
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
understandble
Correct your spelling
understandable
 that
people
Use synonyms
 become mentally and physically fatigued after exerting a lot of effort and
time
Use synonyms
 at their occupation.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 makes them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
prioritize less demanding activities, like talking to the family or watching TV, over physical activities. In conclusion, I am not surprised by the workaholism culture in many countries
due to
Linking Words
 peer pressure and rising inflation
year-after-year
Correct your spelling
year after year
show examples
.
It's
Correct your spelling
Its
show examples
 repercussions on the mental and physical health of an individual are
also
Linking Words
 well-known. I recommend that
people
Use synonyms
 should maintain
work-life
Add an article
a work-life
show examples
 balance to foster a sustainable and healthy lifestyle.
Submitted by rohit.narad90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure that the essay has a clear logical structure, starting with an introduction that outlines the main points, continues with body paragraphs that support these points with relevant and varied examples, and concludes with a conclusion that summarizes the main ideas and presents a final thought.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences and subsequent sentences that expand on these topics in a logical and cohesive manner, avoiding unnecessary repetition or overly general statements. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to ensure the smooth flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the prompt directly and devote at least one paragraph to each sub-question. Ensure that the ideas presented are relevant and supported by specific examples or explanations, rather than being too general or off-topic.
Task Achievement
Engage with the prompt by offering clear, comprehensive responses to each aspect of the task, demonstrating an understanding of the issues and offering specific, illustrative examples to substantiate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: