IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the diagrams below. Write at least 150 words.

#tourists #malaysia #dubai #report #university #lecturer #information #diagrams
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart depicts the
number
Use synonyms
 of people (in
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
show examples
) who
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 vacation in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Dubai
Use synonyms
 between 1995 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, even though there was some
fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 trend, both countries had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive upward trend in the period
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 started with twice as many visitors compared to
Dubai
Use synonyms
 in 1995. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 who visited
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
fluctuate
Change the verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 trend and recorded
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in the year 2001. After that, there was a significant decrease
up
Change preposition
of up
show examples
 to sixty thousand tourists
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 given. Meanwhile, for
Dubai
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists in the year 1996 was recorded as the lowest.
Dubai
Use synonyms
 saw
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
significance
Replace the word
significant
show examples
 decrease in the year 1999. The interesting point was,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 given, their
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 surpassed
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Change noun form
Malaysia's
show examples
 (400.000).
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure that the introduction of the report clearly describes what the data is about and avoid using phrases such as 'The line chart depicts' which are less academic.
Grammar
Avoid spelling errors and fluctuating tense usage, as consistency is key for readability and coherence.
Lexical Choice
The term 'fluctuate trend' is incorrect. Consider using 'fluctuating trend' or 'variations in the number of tourists' instead.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends and changes in the data, and ensure that your descriptions are precise.
Supporting Data
It is critical to support main points with specific data and examples from the chart, which your report currently lacks in thoroughness.
Conclusion
Make sure the report has a clear conclusion or overview summarizing the main trends or observations.
Cohesion
Employ cohesive devices effectively to improve the flow of your report, such as 'Initially, Subsequently, Consequently'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: