IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 has improved and mobile phones have become more popular among
people
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, payment methods will be changed from using
cash
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 to
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
money
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 transformation by means of cards or smartphones.
This
Linking Words
 trend has proved to bring more convenience to
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and be beneficial to the environment as well, so it can be predicted that paper
money
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 will
be disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
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 in the future.
However
Linking Words
, lack of knowledge and literacy with regard to electronic devices may have caused some inconvenience for older generations
that
Correct word choice
as
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 they still prefer to use
cash
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.
Initially
Linking Words
, the application of
technology
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 to
everyday's
Change noun form
everyday
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 shopping
have
Change the verb form
has
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 tremendously helped us to purchase items more
easier
Replace the word
easily
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 than ever.
While
Linking Words
 shopping in a huge hypermarket,
for instance
Linking Words
, we need to pay a great amount of
money
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which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is probably more convenient to use a card
instead
Linking Words
 of
cash
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, as the old-fashioned
money
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 payment could be very time-consuming in
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, using cards or phones for transferring
money
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 can be better for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental reasons.
Money
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 factories, which are responsible
to provide
Change preposition
for providing
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cash
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 on the basis of a country's need, consume a considerable amount of paper, and these papers require a lot of trees to be executed in order to be made. As an example, Global warming is just one simple consequence of
destructing
Verb problem
destroying
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 jungles and plants to produce
money
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. Notwithstanding, some
people
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, especially older generations, are so accustomed to using paper
money
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 that they will not accept any
replaced
Replace the word
replacement
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 method. They tend to carry a lot of
money
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 in their pockets when they go out
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping. The main reason could be the lack of
technology
Use synonyms
 literacy, as many of these individuals have claimed to be afraid of using their mobiles to pay
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because they believe they might lose some
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 doing a transaction wrong. In conclusion, there is a great chance of
cash
Use synonyms
 being totally vanished in the future as the modern way of doing daily transactions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 becoming more popular
due to
Linking Words
 their convenience and environmental benefits.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
technology
Use synonyms
 knowledge should be instructed enough in order to be able to enjoy the use of non-
cash
Use synonyms
 payment as well.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your text currently does have these components but could benefit from more distinct markers of structure such as clear topic sentences and a more prominent concluding summary that encapsulates the key arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Develop each paragraph with a clear main idea and use cohesive devices appropriately to signal the relationship between ideas. Your use of connective words like 'initially' and 'secondly' helps structure your argument, but you need to ensure these transitions also reflect a logical progression in your argument. Avoid abrupt changes in topic and ensure a smoother flow of information.
task achievement
Ensure full coverage of the task prompt. You've addressed both the potential for cashless payments and resistance to the change among older generations. However, your task response could be improved by elaborating on potential consequences of a cashless society beyond the older population's adaptation, such as issues of privacy, digital security, and economic factors.
task achievement
Clarify your position consistently throughout the essay. Though you express a clear opinion on the future disappearance of cash, there is room for expressing a more nuanced view considering alternative perspectives or counterarguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. You briefly mention global warming as a consequence of paper currency production, but incorporating more targeted and varied examples would enhance your argument's persuasiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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