In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?
Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
has improved and mobile phones have become more popular among people
, payment methods will be changed from using cash
to electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
money
transformation by means of cards or smartphones. This
trend has proved to bring more convenience to people
's life
and be beneficial to the environment as well, so it can be predicted that paper Fix the agreement mistake
lives
money
will be disappeared
in the future. Wrong verb form
disappear
However
, lack of knowledge and literacy with regard to electronic devices may have caused some inconvenience for older generations that
they still prefer to use Correct word choice
as
cash
.
Initially
, the application of technology
to everyday's
shopping Change noun form
everyday
have
tremendously helped us to purchase items more Change the verb form
has
easier
than ever. Replace the word
easily
While
shopping in a huge hypermarket, for instance
, we need to pay a great amount of money
which
is probably more convenient to use a card Correct pronoun usage
it
instead
of cash
, as the old-fashioned money
payment could be very time-consuming in this
situation. Secondly
, using cards or phones for transferring money
can be better for the
environmental reasons. Correct article usage
apply
Money
factories, which are responsible to provide
Change preposition
for providing
cash
money
on the basis of a country's need, consume a considerable amount of paper, and these papers require a lot of trees to be executed in order to be made. As an example, Global warming is just one simple consequence of destructing
jungles and plants to produce Verb problem
destroying
money
.
Notwithstanding, some people
, especially older generations, are so accustomed to using paper money
that they will not accept any replaced
method. They tend to carry a lot of Replace the word
replacement
money
in their pockets when they go out for
shopping. The main reason could be the lack of Change preposition
apply
technology
literacy, as many of these individuals have claimed to be afraid of using their mobiles to pay,
because they believe they might lose some Remove the comma
apply
money
while
doing a transaction wrong.
In conclusion, there is a great chance of cash
being totally vanished in the future as the modern way of doing daily transactions are
becoming more popular Correct subject-verb agreement
is
due to
their convenience and environmental benefits. However
, some people
who suffer from the
lack of Correct article usage
a
technology
knowledge should be instructed enough in order to be able to enjoy the use of non-cash
payment as well.Submitted by greatsoloist on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your text currently does have these components but could benefit from more distinct markers of structure such as clear topic sentences and a more prominent concluding summary that encapsulates the key arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Develop each paragraph with a clear main idea and use cohesive devices appropriately to signal the relationship between ideas. Your use of connective words like 'initially' and 'secondly' helps structure your argument, but you need to ensure these transitions also reflect a logical progression in your argument. Avoid abrupt changes in topic and ensure a smoother flow of information.
task achievement
Ensure full coverage of the task prompt. You've addressed both the potential for cashless payments and resistance to the change among older generations. However, your task response could be improved by elaborating on potential consequences of a cashless society beyond the older population's adaptation, such as issues of privacy, digital security, and economic factors.
task achievement
Clarify your position consistently throughout the essay. Though you express a clear opinion on the future disappearance of cash, there is room for expressing a more nuanced view considering alternative perspectives or counterarguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. You briefly mention global warming as a consequence of paper currency production, but incorporating more targeted and varied examples would enhance your argument's persuasiveness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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