IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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In these technological eras, everyday competition has been gradually increasing in each and every area. so that, it is crucial for people to try innovative things in both their career lives and their personal lives. I believe, despite various
benefits
Add a comma
benefits,
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 its disadvantages outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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. My inclination is given in the following paragraphs. On the one side, in
this
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 competitive era, it is most important to take a risk and apply themselves in different fields. The first and foremost benefit is that individuals could get a chance to expand in a specific field.
in other words
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, if they can choose success in their selected task can get a chance to improve their both professional and personal
life
Use synonyms
for example
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 in the state of Gujarat after graduation younger to start a job in a selected department but in later
life
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, they take a chance to develop their own business and they will make more money as compared to the worker has well has become more financially stability which may improve the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 standard.
In addition
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, people can
also
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 learn many different skills like communication, language, leadership, teamwork, and interpersonal
relationship
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relationships
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. On the other side taking
risk
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a risk
the risk
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 in
a
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apply
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professional or personal
life
Use synonyms
also
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 comes with some disadvantages to the begin all time risks do not give success if a person
fail
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fails
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 in any area they will lose at financial in their professional
life
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as well as
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 one can lose their loved one
Moreover
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 anything lost always affect on the mental stability
as well as
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 mental health.
For instance
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, when a person would not achieve their goal they may be affected by stress or depression. In conclusion, it is necessary to take a risk in each area and it gives more financial stability and increases community and family reputation
Change preposition
apply
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although
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. It is not out of drawback in both lives may be an effect on the financial status and another side impact on the psychological status of the individual.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme that is developed coherently throughout. Avoid jumping from one idea to another without thorough explanation and logical connectivity.
coherence cohesion
A strong introduction and conclusion are paramount. Each should clearly establish and summarize your main argument respectively.
coherence cohesion
Support all main points with clear, relevant examples. They help to solidify your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt in your response to achieve completeness. Every idea introduced should be explored and linked back to the question.
task achievement
Strive to present your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Ambiguity detracts from the strength of your essay.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. Relevant anecdotes or statistics can greatly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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