Nowadays, more and more children play computer games. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, in a world where technology each year gains more attention, the number of children playing video
games
significantly rises too.
This
is because
games
provide children
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
escape and an opportunity to relax,
however
, I believe
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
negatively
impacts
Correct subject-verb agreement
impact
show examples
youngsters' lives by contributing to the growth in their procrastination which leads to possible degradation. Many teenagers choose to spend their days playing video
games
because of what they offer: an escape.
Games
are capable of immersing a player in the plot for days, or months even,
therefore
, a lot of people prefer a virtual world, rather than a real one.
This
way people can actively avoid all outside obligations, and worries, and lead a completely different life.
According to
research, that was done among gamers, these days, there is an increasing number of cases where active players lose touch with reality,
furthermore
, they are ready to spend all their savings on virtual purchases.
However
, I think computer
games
are a danger to society
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
can bring a person to degradation.
While
some people can balance between their life and time spent playing, others find it challenging and in the end, prefer to engage in the latter more.
Following
this
, the level of procrastination starts to rise and other matters outside a virtual reality lose their significance, which affects a person's intelligence capabilities.
For instance
, nowadays many teenagers prefer to stay up all night playing computer
games
, and
as a result
, the next morning they struggle to comprehend any material during school hours.
Consequently
, they later can not complete their homework because of the lack of sleep which deprives them
to understand
Change preposition
of understanding
show examples
the material that was taught in school. In conclusion, a lot of children prefer engaging in computer
games
because they offer a reprieve from the world and relax them,
however
, I disagree that it can not negatively influence one's lifestyle, being as the person has a risk of losing touch with reality and the abilities to think rationally.
Submitted by katenok200312 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and adequately addresses the questions posed. However, further development of some ideas and examples could strengthen your argument and provide a more balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow between paragraphs. While each paragraph is clear and well-structured, the transition between ideas can be smoother to enhance overall coherence. Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve flow.
organization
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured and align well with the task. They clearly present the topic and provide a summarizing closure.
task response
Your main points are well-supported and relevant examples are provided, which help illustrate your arguments effectively.

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