IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The comsuption of the world's resources is increasing at dangerous rate. What are causes and solution

#comsuption #world #resources #rate
Narural
Correct your spelling
Natural
 resources like gas, oil, charcoal,
golds
Correct word choice
and golds
show examples
 are assets for any country. But it is being seen that
people
 are using
those wealth
Change the determiner
that wealth
show examples
uncounsiously
Correct your spelling
unconsciously
 which can drive a very dangerous way. The number of
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 and
tendency
Correct article usage
the tendency
show examples
of becoming
Change preposition
to become
show examples
 rich are some reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
incrising
Correct your spelling
increasing
 rate. I will elaborate what are the steps
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be taken to solve
this
 crux. First of all, nowadays the numbers of folk are increasing rapidly
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
,
people
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 more supply.
For example
, nations use more
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 before
furthermore
Correct word choice
and furthermore
show examples
, they need more fuel. At
this
 point,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take some serious steps to aware
people
 and give more ideas about
to reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the percentages they are using and
also
 make advertisements that
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
massages
Correct your spelling
messages
show examples
 like if resources are finished there is no other way to alternate with something. Another point is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 are very greedy
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
, they need more and more.
For instance
, oil miner owners are
woolen
Change the spelling
woollen
show examples
 oil extremely to become
more rich
Replace the words
richer
show examples
 and now they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
compititions
Correct your spelling
competitions
competitors
competition
 who have more money,
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 can
built
Change the verb form
build
show examples
 large taller buildings.
Although
,
this
 problem can be controlled by
awaring
Correct your spelling
awarding
 mass
people
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organizations who can give some motivation and understand the owners. Over and above
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making some
filed
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
 work and making human gathering can be a good solution to
this
 problem. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, natural resources are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gifts
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 nature so, we should use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in a proper way and
also
 be punctual. In
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
resource
 will be deducted if we are not well
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
now.
By taking
Change preposition
Taking
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 small steps can be a good
soutions
Correct your spelling
solution
solutions
 for
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 difficulty
otherwise
 it can worse in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future.
Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a logical structure by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with distinct introductory and concluding sections. The introduction should set the context and outline the main points, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by linking ideas and paragraphs more explicitly. Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately, such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transition words, to ensure that the essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Develop the main ideas with more specific examples and detailed explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic that is explored and supported with relevant information.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both causes and solutions related to the increasing consumption of the world's resources. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion of both these components.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and fully developed. The reader should be left with a clear understanding of your stance on the issue, including nuanced arguments and the implications of the solutions proposed.
task achievement
Incorporate a range of relevant examples to substantiate the arguments. Real-world examples or hypothetical situations can enhance the persuasiveness of the essay and provide a solid foundation for your claims.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable
  • renewable resources
  • efficiency
  • eco-friendly
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • overconsumption
  • green technologies
  • sustainable development
  • conservation
  • recycling
  • wasteful practices
  • consumer behavior
  • demand and supply
  • natural resources
  • fossil fuels
  • alternative energy
  • government regulation
  • environmental awareness
  • resource management
What to do next:
Look at other essays: