Q: Shopping habits depend more on your age group than anything else. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The age group is said to influence more about
someone
's shopping habits. I disagree with
this
statement because there are others
such
as
society
or even the convenience of online shopping might affect
more on
Rephrase
apply
show examples
that
habit
rather than age group. First and foremost, a Circle of friends or
society
can influence
someone
's
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
in terms of shopping.
This
is because
people
tend to follow the way
society
behaves or their friends' lifestyles and if the circle tend to spend a lot of money buying new stuff, it will automatically change the person's lifestyle as well to become a big spender.
For example
, The feeling of being left out is proven as the most crucial factor that explains
someone
's
habit
of spending money on luxury stuff.
This
is actually happening in South Korea as it was nominated as the country with the biggest spending on luxury brands.
This
is because their citizens are afraid of being left out in the
society
.
Thus
,
this
explains why the role of
society
is influential in changing
someone
's
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. Nowadays, there are more ways to do shopping, rather than visiting the store like usual,
people
are more opt to shop using online platforms
such
as Amazon, Shopee, or Alibaba. Not only
it
Add a missing verb
does it
show examples
offer a convenient way to shop, but it
also
can lead to impulsive buying.
For instance
,
people
spend a lot of their time in front of their gadgets and sometimes
people
are attracted to browsing online shops.
Thus
, it will cause a person to buy stuff that they actually
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
need.
This
convenient way to shop might cause
people
to become impulsive and have a
habit
of spending big amounts on shopping online. In conclusion,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age group is not the most crucial factor in affecting
someone
's spending habits. Other factors
such
as
society
or the existence of online shopping can be said to be the crucial point in changing
someone
's habits.
Submitted by lavenia34808 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction, distinct main body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and logically flow from one to the other.
task achievement
Introduce your essay with a strong thesis statement outlining your position clearly. Ensure each paragraph reinforces this position, and conclude your essay with a summarising statement that reflects back on the thesis and the arguments you've presented.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!