IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

NOWADAYS, PARENTS ARE ALLOWING THEIR CHILDREN TO USE TABLES AND SMARTPHONES TO ENHANCE LEARNING. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS DEVELOPMENT OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

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Almost every parent, nowadays, not just allows children to use tablets and smartphones as a mean of learning, but
also
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 encourage them by giving these devices as gifts, like on their birthdays or on
the
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apply
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Christmas. Using electronic machines has many advantages,
as well as
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 some harmful consequences.
To begin
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with
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with,
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 the
the
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facilities which are provided by these new instruments, I believe them to be like an entire library contained in a single book. In fact, you can search for any kind of books, articles or news you like to read.
Moreover
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, students don't have to bring heavyweight school bags on their
back
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backs
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, causing them
a
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apply
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poor back spine curvature over time, which could lead to serious health issues. In
last
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,
these
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this
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hardwares
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hardware
 could play a huge role in cognitive development, especially of
right
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the right
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 side brain, through a number of activities like drawing, playing games, composing music and a lot more.
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages of these gadgets we cannot deny.
For instance
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, the blue light emitted by these screens is injurious
for
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to
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the
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apply
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eyesight and
the
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mental health as well, if used for a long period of time.
Nonetheless
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 is the fact that studies showed a longer retention regarding the information learned from real books as compared to
screened-books
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screened books
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.
To conclude
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, I am of the idea that these devices
has
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have
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 many benefits,
as
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such as
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 providing all types of information and cognitive development,
as well as
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 some negative points, like eye muscles weakness.
Therefore
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, parents must be very conscious about their correct and balanced use by the youth.

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task achievement
While your essay presents an introduction and conclusion, critical to a well-structured IELTS essay, the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt. In your conclusion, ensure that you are summarizing the main points and clearly stating your position in relation to the question.
task achievement
Your main ideas are generally relevant, but they need to be developed more comprehensively. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea, supported by relevant specific examples or further explanation. This will help your essay meet the task's requirements and convey your ideas more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay needs a clear progression of ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central topic that's expanded upon with supporting sentences. The use of connective words is good, but could be improved to demonstrate a higher level of coherence.
coherence and cohesion
You made a valiant effort to support your main points with examples, but the examples provided are somewhat generic. For a higher score, incorporate more detailed and specific instances or data to clearly illustrate your arguments.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interactive
  • Engaging
  • Customized learning experiences
  • Self-directed learning
  • Accommodating
  • Over-reliance
  • Distraction
  • Addictive apps
  • Social interaction
  • Inappropriate content
  • Parental control
  • Supervision
  • Technological proficiency
  • Screen time
  • Holistic educational experience
  • Cognitive development
  • Attention spans
  • Physical activity
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